Choose My Adventure

Time to Move

2006-09-15T16:46:00.000-04:00

I tried to keep this blog a pseudo-secret for the same reasons other people keep their blogs top or pseudo secret. Venting. Gossiping. Dumping. Etc. Etc. I didn't go out of my way to tell people about it. I didn't tell people who I thought I might actually write about. However, I now know that people I either have written about or really want to write about, read it.

So it's time to move on. Actually, it's way past time to move on I was just hoping to not have to do it. I'm going to an undisclosed location. Like the Vice President. Only I'll tell you if you ask. Just email me from this blog and I'll write back.

And to you -- you know who you are -- don't try to find me again. You never should have found this blog at all. I guess it's a testament to your listening and googling skills but I'm still not impressed. Nor will I ever be impressed by you again.

Maybe I Just Didn't Have Enough Flare

2006-08-23T13:27:00.000-04:00

I once heard or read that everyone can expect to be fired at least once in their life. I've lived my professional life under the wait of this knowledge, fully expecting to be "let go" from my primary income source at any moment. So imagine my relief to finally get it over with -- from my part-time job as a waitress!

And, as I'm sure most business owners are wont to do, this was handled with the utmost professionalism (sarcasm). I got a message on my cell's voice mail letting me know they don't need me to come in anymore. That's it. No explanation. No personal talk. Nada. I guess I can be chalked up with the 4 other people who were fired in the past month (for the most trivial matters.) And, we are the few who weren't personal friends with the owner.

The fact is, I was quitting next week anyway, because I'm starting a new job. But they don't know that. And I am relieved because I was working every night this week, including Saturday. So much for "part-time" job.

So there you have it. I tried and failed. The moral of the story? There isn't one. I still want to be a waitress though. I loved it! Maybe that place where you get to wear bright orange shorts and a tight t-shirt is hiring...

Something big is coming

2006-08-17T16:13:00.000-04:00

I know, I've been lax in writing but I took 3 days off from work, and Lord knows the only time I'm going to waste blogging is while at work.

But that's not to say I haven't been thinking about what to write. Some topics that I may or may not address include:

Being functionally retarded. The proof is really stacking up. I'm not really sure how I've gotten along so well and independently in life being so functionally retarded. I'm logical and practical to a near fault. But I pretty much have no common sense. I'm just starting to realize this. All these years I thought my brothers were just teasing me, as brothers are wont to do.

Quitting my job. Finally.

Buying a new car. Finally.

Working at the restaurant. Actually, I still have nothing to write there. It's going great. Darn it.

My sister, who is 13, who forwards me the jokes that she and her friends email. The last one was "how to flirt" and it was clearly meant for the 13-year old crowd because it included something about being picked up at school by your mom. Maybe she doesn't realize we have 20 YEAR age gap.

Oh, I've got plenty of fodder, believe you me, to keep you and I entertained for days. But I won't spoil you by dumping it all at once. I'll meter it out in very precise doses. Just enough to get you hooked and coming back for more.

Stay tuned.

Nice Equals Boring?

2006-08-07T09:47:00.000-04:00

When you read the headline, and I know you read the headline, you probably thought I was going to be writing about dating a nice guy who also happens to be boring. Well, you are wrong. I'm writing about my new part-time job in a restaurant.

When I told my friends I was going to be working as a server in a new restaurant the reactions were fairly similar (all friends who responded have worked in restaurants):
"Oh man -- I remember those days -- crazy! Crazy stuff goes on behind the scenes..."
"You're going to hate it. Chefs are mean to the waitstaff, waitstaff politics are nuts. Customers suck."
"Awesome! Everyone sleeps with everyone, it's a total scene"

And so on.

And so I was ready for some fun. Some juicy tidbits to fill up my blog(s). Stories of sex in the walk-in freezer (not me, but my coworkers of course...)

So imagine my disappointment that here it is 3 or 4 weeks into my employment and everyone is really nice and normal! Yes, normal. Not so different from me. Of the girls I work with who are servers 2 are in graduate school pursuing smarty-pants degrees; one just quit her nursing profession to attend culinary school; and one is a marketing professional during the day.

I've watched "Hells Kitchen" and "The Restaurant" -- I know that chefs are cocky, yelling, mean-ish jerks. I was ready for it. But oh no. I work with the BEST executive chef and sous chef. They couldn't be nicer -- to the entire staff. No yelling at all. No condescending remarks to anyone in the kitchen or front of house. Super nice. Generous. Wants everyone to be happy.

Darn it. How am I supposed to have any blogging material working in such a supportive and happy environment?

It has gotten to the point where I'm seriously thinking about quitting my "day job" and just working at the restaurant part-time. I'm so much happier when I'm working there than I am during the day. Of course, it won't pay the bills, but I don't have to worry about that for about 4-5 months.

So if you want to eat at a place where the wait-staff actually enjoys their work, the chefs are producing AMAZING food, and the overall atmosphere is really great, come to this restaurant. But if you could, be a jerky customer 'cause maybe then at least I'd have something to write about.

I Forget What I Was Going to Say

2006-07-25T09:08:00.000-04:00

I couldn't sleep at all last night. This happens cyclically so I'm not too worried. Sort of like those stress dreams, every few months I have a few days in a row where I can't sleep. So I was up a lot last night and I KNOW that I was writing a really great blog post in my head. But I forget what it was. I'm hoping that at some point today, it just pops back into my head.

I know why I couldn't sleep. I'm about to get into having a really busy schedule and I'm already worried about keeping up. So basically, I couldn't sleep because I was worried about not getting enough sleep. Make sense?

Tonight officially starts my part-time job as a waitress at a new restaurant. I've been there for 2 weeks but so far we've only had training and Friends and Family opening weekend. But I've been leaving my full-time job early every day to get to training. Which makes me feel bad (yes, really.) Here's how my next few days are going to play out:

Tuesday:
Desk Job 8:30-3:45 (must leave very early)
Find time to study menu and wine list for work tonight
Restaurant: 4:00-closing

Wednesday
Job Interview: 8:00-12:00
Desk Job: 12:30-6:00
Beach Volleyball: 9:00-10:00

Thursday
Desk Job: 8:30-4:15 (must leave very early)
Find time to study menu and wine list for work tonight
Restaurant: 4:30-9:30

Friday
Very Important Presentation to Leadership: 7:00 AM -10:00
Desk Job: 10:00-4:15 (must leave very early but okay because will be here at 7)
Restaurant: 4:30-closing

Saturday
Library
Volunteer job: 2:00-4:00 (may have to quit)
Restaurant Job: 4:30-9:30

Sunday
Prepare for 5k cross country run by finally going to gym.

When I write it all out, it doesn't look so bad. I guess the stressful parts are having to leave work early (I'm sneaking out at this point) and having the double-whammy of the job interview and major presentation back-to-back. Although, if the job interview goes well, I don't need to sweat the presentation. But I can't really think that way. My work ethic (yes, believe it or not, I have one) is too strong.

So there you have it. If I can remember that awesome blog I wrote in my head last night, I'll try to get it out.

Homicidal Ideations

2006-07-21T08:59:00.000-04:00

The makers of the antidepressant Effexor recently added "homicidal ideations" to the list of possible side effects for this drug. This is one of the drugs that Andrea Yates, who killed her five children by drowning them in the bath tub, was on. It's also the antidepressant I'm on. And you thought this joie de vie was all natural.

I gotta tell ya, I've had some of the side effects. Dizziness, loss of appetite, random sweating. Nothing terrible to manage. I can honestly say, I never experienced homicidal ideations. Until yesterday.

I was driving through downtown to get to work. There was a cop blocking a lane of traffic so we all had to move left. Everyone was doing it in a nice orderly fashion. Alternating cars were merging over. Until it was my turn and the ASSHOLE in the green Jetta REFUSED to let me merge. It was MY turn. I had my blinker on -- which in my opinion is the equivalent of saying, "Excuse me, I need to get through now." He just kept INCHING up so I couldn't get in. He was close enough for me to look him in the eye -- through our respective windows -- and say "ASSHOLE!"

So he let me in -- "let me in" -- it was MY TURN. Anyway, he gave me the finger. GEEZ I HATE THAT. I HATE IT. So I did what I always do when someone gives me the finger -- not that it happens often. I stuck my tongue out at him. Yeah, I did it. Not only that, I sat there staring him down in my rearview mirror -- with my tongue sticking out at him. Ha.

The last time I did that to a car filled with people, they were shocked. You would have thought I had...I don't know...mooned them. THEY gave me the finger, but for some reason a flash of my tongue sticking out was so much more offensive?

In any case, I'm not sure that it counts as homicidal ideations, but man, it was close. We better keep an eye on me.

Dating Karma

2006-07-20T10:26:00.000-04:00

I've touched on this before, but I'm going to expand. I waffle between theoretically wanting a boyfriend/relationship and knowing that in reality, it's gonna take a lot to get me into one. It's not that I'm so super picky, it's just that I like my life, I like making my own plans and decisions and having to consider another person when making plans really messes all of that up. Not to mention all the other stuff that comes along with a relationship.

Case in point. I had a dinner date planned for last night. I guess you could even say I asked him out. He had invited me out for dinner on Sunday -- at the very last minute mind you -- but I was working. So I suggested that we do dinner on Wednesday. I'm not even sure why I did that other than I sometimes figure I need to put more effort in this dating thing. However, I had volleyball last night but said I could do dinner afterwards. I love beach volleyball. It's my new favorite activity. So when I was asked to play another game with a new team, I said yes. Which meant I had to cancel my date. Which meant I did the tacky thing and sent him a text message an hour before were were to meet at the restaurant.

It's those kind of things that make me believe that I'm messing up my own dating karma. I do believe what goes around comes around. Now, I fully expect to have a guy cancel a date with me at the last minute. The best that I can hope is that I won't really be all that interested in him (as I suspect was the case with last night's guy.)

Sometimes I think I don't have time for dating. But then I realize, I just don't want to be bothered with sorting the good from the bad. A guy really needs to be "pre-approved" before I can even consider having a date with him. Afterall, a date equals time and I don't have a lot of time to dedicate to something with an unknown outcome. However, pre-approval isn't really that hard to come by. You can be the friend of a friend. You can be someone I already know. You can be someone I don't know but see around all the time and am already intrigued by. I see a lot of people in the course of a week -- and I just mean casually see them, at sports, at work, walking around, etc, etc. And I can think of 4 guys -- just 4 -- who are currently pre-approved for a date. Of course, they aren't asking. Dating karma?

I'm not always a dating jerk. I'd like to think I'm overall a nice, good-hearted person. It's just with everthing going on in my life, it's going to take a really, really awesome guy to get me to commit. I love my life -- I love having a career, I love having a part-time job, I love my volunteer position, I love my social sports teams (okay, I hate softball but I love my teammates), I love spending time with my friends, I love going to the bars, I love visiting my family. There's NOTHING I can give up in order to make time for a guy. I know, for the right guy I'd make the time. And there's rub -- where the heck is he and how will I know him when I meet him? And more importantly, will he be the one who makes me want to reprioritize my life? That's the guy with whom I should be in a relationship.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

2006-07-03T14:18:00.000-04:00

Last week, I volunteered as a counselor at a camp for kids with active military parents (currently deployed, about to be deployed or just returned from deployment.) When the opportunity came through via my work email, I didn't hesistate -- I signed right up.

What I didn't realize until I was actually driving down the street towards the camp, was that I had just volunteered for the miliary. The Freakin' Military. I nearly turned around and went home as I drove past the lines of tanks lining the streets that I'm sure some find very patriotic. I found them very disturbing.

But I didn't turn around and what I experienced was a wet, stressful, tiring 5 days that entailed much more responsibility than I had imagined. And I'm really glad I did it and already signed up for next year!

There were about 60 kids ranging in age from 7-17. In the girls bunk we had about 30 children, primarily in the 8-13 age range. I didn't think I'd enjoy them so much -- or have the patience to last an entire week, but I learned fast that all they really wanted was some individual attention while they were away from home. I quickly developed a set of standard answers that seemed to fit the bill for most of their inquiries and pesterings:

Child: Miss Subject to Change, I can't find my [socks, sneakers, flashlight, etc.]
Me: I'll help you look in a minute. [Never return]

Child: Miss Subject to Change, my [finger, ankle, wrist, head] hurts.
Me: I know it does, honey. Go see the nurse.

Child: Miss Subject to Change, my stomach hurts.
Me: I know it does, honey. Sit on the toilet for a bit.

Child: Miss Subject to Change, she [hit me, took my toy, won't share.]
Me: I'm sure she didn't mean it. Sit on the toilet for a bit.

It helped the small children go to bed if I did a special round and spent a few minutes with each one asking how their day went and what they were looking forward to the next day. I guess in that regard I was their stand-in mommy for the week. I kinda liked it (AACK!)

We had one little girl who refused to wear underwear to bed. And pajamas. She insisted on sleeping naked. I convinced her that wearing one of my tank tops was a better idea -- scandal averted. I also had to give the same little girl a pair of my socks when she insisted that hers weren't soft enough (and she would only wear a mismatched set -- one orange stripe, one yellow. Hey, whatever it takes.)

But the responsibility of caring for these children started to take a toll by about Wednesday. Not only were we their primary adult attention, we were supposed to be there in case they needed to talk about their parents leaving or being gone. I was ill-prepared to respond to children who are afraid their mom or dad might die while in the war. I didn't know how to respond to the tough little guy who was on the brink of tears because his parents got a divorce as soon as his dad got back from Iraq. And when one little girl reported that her mommy hits her, I literally had no clue what to say to her. My mind is still reeling from that one and I'm sure I'll always wonder how she turns out. (Yes, I reported it.) I had to go for a long walk alone, crying, in order to decompress on Wednesday night. Which isn't the best thing to do on a proving ground seeing as I walked into a firing range in the woods (we had already been warned that there was absolutely NO DIGGING allowed anywhere on the premises.) Note: the firing range wasn't currently being used, but did seem to have some recent activity. I wanted to steal some signage but figured that might not be in my best interest.

Add to those issues the standard "growing up" concerns that started surfacing. We had 3 young girls start their periods for the first time -- and no one had ever had a talk with them about it. Considering my own mother gave me a book to learn from -- which I never read -- I let the other counselors field these issues.

By the end of the week, I was hoping that all of these kids would return next year so I could see how they're turning out. Some of them came from not-so-great backgrounds. But I could tell that they were all good kids. I started seriously considering another career change -- child psychologist was definitley out considering I was the one who started crying during group "reflection" time. Joining the military is definitely out considering I may have inadvertently picked a fight or two expressing my personal views. Maybe a pediatric nurse? I mean, I did have quite a way with getting the children to forget their aches and pains, primarily by distracting them with something else. I bet they don't teach that ol' toilet trick in school, baby.

Panhandling: Pro or con?

2006-06-23T11:35:00.000-04:00

Now that the weather has warmed up, the incidents of being asked for money by homeless/street people is on the rise. I don't know if it's because we're all outside more or if it's because in this town, it's prime tourist season meaning the panhandlers have more people to hit-up for money.

In any case, I have mixed feelings on this one and just want to get some points of view.

It's probably no surprise that I'm not opposed to giving people money, water, some food, when they seem to need it. I'm not keen on giving money to those who approach me with a pre-scripted routine of how they need just 60 cents to get a bus back up to the other side of the city 'cause their car broke down and their baby daddy's cell phone isn't working.

I will give money to the person I pass as I'm going from one bar to the next who's always sitting on the sidewalk, quietly watching as the yuppies and youngers go out drinking, eating and having a good time. I've given her pizza and money on separate occasions. But for the amount of times I've passed her, what I've given her doesn't amount to much.

Occassionaly, I will give money or a snack to the guys holding the "Need food and money; God Bless" signs on the corners of busy intersections. Although that's trickier because they pretty much will see me everyday as I commute. I don't want to feel obligated to give every time.

As I walked to work this morning, I passed more homeless people than I can remember. They were just getting up, told to move on -- and out of the prime tourist areas -- and really, where can they go? So when one man quietly asked if I had change, I hesitated. I knew I only had a single dollar bill and a five dollar bill in my wallet. He saw me hesiate and changed his request to $2.00. Why $2.00? I have no idea; that's pretty specific. So I did it. I gave him my $5.00 bill and told him to buy himself something to eat. He said he would.

And I'll tell you what. If I could stand on a corner and hand out $5.00 bills to all of the homeless people in this city, I would. You can say that they'll use it for drugs or alcohol but I bet that's only a small percentage. I hope that the rest would use it for food and water.

Tell me, what is the harm in giving a few people a little bit of money to help them get through their day? That's what I don't understand. It's not like by not giving someone a dollar, they are going to move out of our city. It's not like by not giving them some change they aren't going to be there tomorrow. So where's the harm in helping someone buy a cold drink? Or a candy bar? They didn't ask to be homeless.

I don't even want to touch on the politics of this because the post would get too long. I'm talking about just personal opinions and behavior. Give me your point of view on this. Because I'd really like to hear from other sides or agreements.

Dream, Dream, Dream

2006-06-15T12:25:00.000-04:00

For as long as I can remember, I've had really vivid dreams. As a kid, I tried to draw scenes from some of my more common dreams. Because they made me so happy, I wanted to capture that feeling for as long as I could.

A few years ago, when I started a new medication -- antidepresants if you must know -- the doctor told me that one of the common side affects was more vivid dreams. "More vivid?" my roommate asked with wonder and maybe a twinge of envy. "You already have the most active, imaginative dreams of anyone I know."

I really do. And over the past few years, they've really stepped it up a notch.

I have dreams that, if I could write them down or record them as they were happening, would make awesome books and/or movies. I kid you not. These dreams are epic. Sometimes they are drama, sometimes comedy, every now and again disturbing, and my personal fave, romantic comedy.

They often feature people I know, people I have known and of course, people I've conjured up. Where they come from, I have no idea. It seems that in dreams I have the capacity to create new people from scratch.

I travel to places I've never been. Which is great because I'm completely making up these locations up in my subconciousness. They are always beautiful. One beach resort I went to had so many pools I didn't know where to start. So I headed to the beach and was able to walk to another tropical country where I could easily swim to a remote island that most people could only see. Once there, I learned how to drive and lived for a while with the nice people there. And of course, walking is nothing like actually walking - I was walking along the horizon. And the sky was redish pink.

I have dreams where my entire wardrobe selection is fabricated. This is fun during the dream, but because the dreams are so darn real, I've woken up only to be greatly disappointed that the outfit I wanted to wear to work doesn't actually exist in my reality. True story.

I have recurring baby dreams. In these, I never actually give birth to any baby -- I find them, or sometimes they find me. But I'm usually with them for a day or two at which point, I don't want to give them back. But I have to.

I have recurring "college" dreams where I'm late for or completely missed a final exam. I haven't been in college for more than 10 years, but I know that when I start having this dream, I'm under too much stress at work. It's a great barometer for letting me know when I need to just chill out.

I remember my dreams. For years and years. I can conjur the good ones up when I'm feeling sad. Or want a happy memory.

I can't recall any night where I don't remember some part of my dreams. I don't know how it would feel to be one of those people who says, "I don't dream," or "I don't remember my dreams." A big part of who I am, and how my mind works would be missing if it weren't for these dreams.

So maybe someday I will write a book. And when I'm being interview and asked what the inspiration was I'll say, "Oh, just a dream I had." And it'll seem like a corny, cheesey made-up answer, but it will be true.

A Beautiful Mind?

2006-06-14T14:45:00.000-04:00

Working for a large internationally-known Web site opens my email account to some interesting mail. People wanting to know how they can donate their bodies to the hospital upon their death (Fed Ex, I tell them); people wanting me to diagnose their every ailment and pain (take two aspirin and call me in the morning, I tell them).

The one below has got to be by far the most "interesting". I actually took the time to read the entire thing once, even though it didn't have any paragraph breaks when I recieved it. I added those for ease of reading. I also added the bold sections for emphasis, in case you just want to skip to the "good" parts. And while she did include her name and all contact information, I've removed it. I don't want to get sued or anything.
------------------------------------------

I want to say I have a situation which seems to put certain people asleep, and I wonder why. For a long time now, certain Corp Men who have been threatening my health and life with Remote Weapons, while conducting ILLEGAL INHUMAN EXPERIMENTS on me, continue to send NYPD, NYFD and AMBULANCES, including the unknowns STALKING me day and night, as well as their ILLEGAL SURVEILLANCE AND MONITORING they have going on, which NYPD Segeant and Lieutenant and Captain have told me, "we have nothing to do with it, call the Feds." But don't you think it is the NYPD that has to make the REPORT TO THE FEDS? As I type, they are beaming their Remote Weapons on my head, even before I arrived here at the NYC Public Library. They have their devices with they use to look in my head, etc, then attack, as well as other parts of my body, and I ask, "Is this Happening in our Super Power Nation of the United States of America?"

I have made reports to the FBI for years now, six letters(6) to the President, Mr. George W. Bush, some Senators, including Clinton, Schumer, Specter, Kennedy, Leahy (I sent him an email last evening, and wanted to send you a copy, but the criminals blocked my computer from cut and paste), etc., and the Congress as well as my Congressional Rep. Mrs. Carolyn B. Maloney. I also sent a letter to U.S. Attorney General, Mr. Alberto Gonzales, complaint made at NYS Attorney General's Office with accompanying documents and copies of some of my FBI reports, the NYC District Attorney's Office, and some Precincts, including the 13th Precinct, where I spoke with the Captain, since I had left him a letter with copies of my FBI reports and documents. In fact, as I stood talking with the Captain, a private garbage truck had just went up the street, and I asked him, if he noticed it. He said yes, then I told him it was sent to STALK ME, which is what has been going on for a long time now.

These criminals use NYC Sanitation garbage trucks, and one day as I walked in Queens(another borough in NYC, one of the employees pointed a machine gun at me. Then I turned around, looked for a phone and called the NYC D.A.'s office and reported it), I was Stalked. This is typical of these criminals, whom I termed "Nazi Menace", because they seem to DISTURB FOR PLEASURE AND THREATEN. They attack me in the bathroom before I take a shower, attack me as I use the toilet, take photos of me(I am being attacked again with Remote to my neck which is Laser, while activated electricical threats going on under the table with my feet and legs. What is the point of SCANNING my head(regardless of location), then use ELECTROMAGNETS, and also ELECTROMAGNETIC RADIATION? Repeatedly day and night. The audacity to SCAN MY EYES and other body parts as I lay in bed, even my head. NO ONE KNOWS WHAT I GO THROUGH. Then send Cops to follow me? Am I DISGUSTED OR WHAT? Where is my GOVERNMENT? I also sent a letter(all of my letters to government officials are with REGISTERED, RETURN RECEIPT)to the Director of the FBI, Mr. Robert Mueller, in Washington, D.C. WHERE DID ALL OF MY LETTERS GO?

These men have captured our phone lines, and wherever I go to make a phone call, they will tap into it, redirect it, for example, when I call the NYC - FBI office, I get hispanic guys or a white female who sound so very UNPROFESSIONAL, telling me, "we can't help you with your problems." That is when I ask what happened to the reports I have made concerning Illegal inhuman Experiments and Stalking, etc., then the person will hang up. One guy told me, go in your room and snort some more, then hung up. For the record, I DONT SMOKE , DO DRUGS(NEVER), DRINK, or TAKE MEDS. I believe in the NATURALS.

The amounts of incompetents I have have come across, or those who are put in my way when I want to report Crimes against me. At the NYC Public Library, they also put guys to watch me, Security Guards to stand against the wall and watch me or follow me as I go into aisles to read book or look for books to do my research. These Crimninals thing it is JOKE, WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN DOING TO ME, since I have not BEEN OUT SPOKEN. I NEVER SIGNED ANY CONSENT WITH ANY ONE, NOR DID I EVER GIVE A VERBAL TO ANY PERSON TO ABUSEAND ATTACK MY HEALTH. Whatever FLASE DOCUMENTS THEY CAMAE UP WITH TO justify their NAZI EXPERIMENTS, is on them, and that is why I am asking my government to PUT AN IMMEDIATE STOP TO THESE DISGRACEFUL HORRORS HAPPENING IN OUR COUNTRY. For them to use ELECTRO-VIBRATIONS in my feet, legs and in other parts of my body, shoots LASERS into my breasts and chest, and my PRIVATE PARTS, then use low level VIBRATIONS in my chest as I lay in bed, while poking under my left breast, and now raising my heart beat last night. THEY HAVE GONE SO FAR, THAT I BLAME MY GOVERNMENT FOR THEIR VERY SLOW RESPONSE.

As a host on a radio show said last week,"someone head will be cracked today". I say, "The Connection", as well as other comments I have heard over the radio and TV about"you will die a slow and painful death;" They want to PROVE THEY CAN CRACK MY HEAD WITH THEIR ILLEGAL REMOTE WEAPONS via their Satellites, "what does it say about our Security Systems?" They defame, send their THUGS togo around telling store managers false hoods about me, so when I arrive at the Store, I will be watched till I leave. That is not all either. I Respect my country, and the CONSTITUTION, but I do NOT RESPECT THESE WHITE CORP MEN WHO LIVE IN THIS COUNTRY OF OURS, VIOLATING ALL THE LAWS OF THE UNITED STATES, while sending Law Enforcement after me and conducting such HORRORS.

I just noticed something strange happening with this computer, since they are also great HACKERS. I will end here and do hope you will consider what I have typed. These sort of things should not be happening in our country. Currently attacking me with Radiation which makes me nauseaus. I do not need to give them more feedback. If I cannot reach the Commissioner of NYPD(all my calls go to some young hispanics who say they are Cadets, and wont pass my calls to staff member who could assist me, or even pass my calls to INTELLIGENCE UNIT at the Police Headquarters. Most mornings, parts of my head is SWOLLEN, including MY FOREHEAD, EYES, EYEBROWS to NOSEBRIDGE, blue/black around my eye sockets, SWOLLEN CLAVES, they bring out my VEINS, to horrible to describe.

If there are any ATTORNEYS who will be willing to assist me, I truly will appreciate it, and also, if someone can report this to the Department of Energy and Defense, including the WHITE HOUSE. I wrote to Mrs. Cheney too. Don't ask. No response, because my mail is being stolen, as well as my emails. A family memeber in Texas is Missing with her Daughter, and I cannot reach anyone to tell me what is going on. I cannot speak with the Police in Texas, since these men have their own network of people who would give me false info. So, I need an intermediary. I do not want to go to the Police here, fill out forms and then that's it. Or for someone to tell me, "oh Miss, this happens every minute, and we are backed up with reports like this."

I cannot afford to pay for an Attorney now, since I have not worked full employment for forty - two months, due to these Criminals who PREVENT ME FROM WORKING, BLOCK EVERY JOB APPLICATION(STALKING AND LISTENING TO ALL MY PHONE CALLS). I am not in an Island by myself. There are Americans who just do not believe in just TALK and walk with one's info. I just have to look for them, because they too love and respect this country of ours. I have sent many emails to "Georgetown University", not sure if my emails got there. I am College educated, as well as European educated, etc. Please contact me if you can through my mailbox or call xxxxxxxxx or leave message at: xxxxxxxxxxxx

For your information, I have read the following/used in my research: 1. THE NAZI DOCTORS, by Dr. Robert Jay Lifton 2. DOCTORS FROM HELL, by Vivien Spitz, Former Congressional Reporter at the Nuremberg War Crimes Trials of 1945-45 3. IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE, by Andrew Goliszek 4. UNDUE RISK - Secret State Experiments on Humans, by Dr. Jonathan D. Moreno 5. WHEN RESEARCH IS EVIL, by Gary McCuen 6. THE ABUSE OF MAN, by Dr. Wolfgang Weyers 7. CLEANSING THE FATHERLAND - Nazi Medicine and Racia Hygiene, by Gotz Aly, Peter Chroust, and Christian Pross 8. THE FINAL REPORT ON HUMAN RADIATION EXPERIMENTS, U. S. Government. (NY Pub. Library Call # 174.28 U) Thank you for your attention and time. xxxxxx xxxxxxx

Again with the CNN

2006-06-14T13:19:00.000-04:00

I know, I know. It's easy to pick on CNN.com. They have to post a lot of information in not a lot of time. But really - it's just that sometimes, I wonder what their editors are thinking.

Couldn't they have just said, 'Construction workers" or "men" or "shoppers" or "lucky bastards" or something more appropriate than "construction types"?

Why not just say, "A couple of Massachusetts construction types -- we assume based on the fact that they were Mexican and/or showing considerable butt cleavage and wearing hard hats -- "

I hope the next article has something do with "Senate women types". We all know what those types are like

If I Were a Superhero

2006-06-09T11:58:00.000-04:00

So, my online blogging buddy (yeah, that's right -- I don't know him, he doesn't know me -- so what?) is a talented artist. His current project is to draw superhero comic versions of all the people who post on his blog. They are quite fun. I imagine that so far, he actually knows in person the people he has drawn. Today, I'm up. Must have been a challenge but based on my blog entries, here's what he came up with.

I'm very impressed! I've never seen myself in superhero form. I feel motivated to go to the gym. Of course, it looks exactly like me already. The high and full boobies, tight quads, flat abs just scream Subject to Change!

As Jake in the Wild World says, "Subject to Change, the wild master of disguises and a shape shifter. She could be anyone, you never know."

And really, that's the truth.

Surrounded

2006-06-06T13:33:00.000-04:00

I'm going to preface this by saying that I'm back together with The Boyfriend. We worked things out over the weekend and we're back on solid, happy ground. I won't go into the details because they are important to me and I don't want to share them, I want to savor them. I'm greedy like that. That said, I still have two of my best friends who are going through break-ups which makes it hard for me to run around saying, "I'm in love! I'm so happy! Listen to the birds singing and look at the flowers blooming!" Because I'm a sensitive friend, you know.

I had two very distincty different reactions to my happy news. Guess which one I prefer:

Friend 1 Who Just Ended His Relationship with a Great Girl Because He Wasn't Sure He Wanted to Be in a Relationship but Liked Her Very Much: [email] -- "Congratulations! I'm happy that you and The Boyfriend got back together -- that's great news. ... I have to get some work done right now but good to know that you're happy again" We're having dinner tomorrow night.

Friend 2 Whose Boyfriend is Moving in a Month and Isn't Making Any Time to See Her and It's Been 4 Weeks Since They Last Hung Out: [phone call] -- "Great. Did you take today off? You always take days off." Said with accusatory tone. Haven't heard from her since.

If things were different -- if The Boyfriend and I hadn't worked things out this weekend and The Friend called to tell me that she and her Moving Boyfriend were hanging out, I'd be happy and relieved for her. Happy because she enjoys his company and relieved that she wasn't left hanging while he moved out of state. And I wouldn't take any misguided digs at her enjoying a day off from work.

What makes me sad about it is that this friend had been doing so much better lately. She was happier and upbeat. She was being nice to people. Mutual friends were commenting that she seemed nicer than usual. I thought she was just becoming more comfortable with herself and learning how to be happy. Now I think that was simply learning to be happy because someone else deemed her worthy of his time. And now he's leaving. So I'm left with a friend who can be a bit difficult to enjoy socially.

I guess there's really no point to this post other than for me to document some stuff. Probably more appropriate for my paper journal (eegads! Yes, I still keep a handwritten journal -- several volumes starting when I was 17 and a freshman in college. God lord, if those ever got out...)

I'm Just Saying

2006-06-01T16:04:00.000-04:00

No, I'm not fine.

2006-05-31T14:09:00.000-04:00

I'm not really fine with being dumped. I'm sad about it and don't want it to happen. I have a glimmer of hope I guess. Now he's saying he just needs some time to think about it. I can do that. I guess I'm in dating limbo. It's not a fun place to be, I don't recommend it.

So Irritating

2006-05-30T11:22:00.000-04:00

So I did something dumb. I wrote a great post yesterday. I had some friends who were waiting on it, too. I even made a cool graphic -- see -- aren't those candy hearts funny?

But then I found out that someone I used to be friends with read my blog and used some of the information against me. So I deleted the post. I regret it now because I know that my friends and readers who don't know me in person would have given me great feedback. So from now on, no more deleting posts. If someone goes out of their way to come to this blog and doesn't like what they read, then fuck off. Don't come back.

In other news. I'm doing fine. Yes, a relationship ended this weekend and yes, that makes me sad. I lost a friend. Someone I cared a lot about. Someone I could have really fallen for as I was already on my way there. But it didn't work about because of external pressures. And when a relationship is as new as this one was, it really needs to be handled gently. I need to be handled gently. As you know, I don't enter into relationships lightly. It takes me time. I need to be eased into them. But this one wasn't handled gently. This one was treated like a long-term thing WAY WAY too soon. This newborn relationship was smashed against the wall, thrown into a crowd and bandied about like a beach ball at a concert. And then the pieces were picked up and thrown at me like a slap across the face. Thank you for that.

But like I said. I'm doing fine. I spent time with my good friends this weekend. I went to a couple of parties. So, yes, sad that one friendship that had become increasingly important to me ended. But happy that I didn't wallow in that saddness and miss out on making new friends.

I Think I'll Build a Deck

2006-05-22T14:13:00.000-04:00

Warning: Lately, I've received comments (here and elsewhere) that my blog entries are amusing. Some people read them just to get a chuckle. That really makes me happy 'cause if there's one thing I want to do well in this life is make other people smile. This isn't going to be one of those posts. This is more of the "I need to write because it makes me feel better" kinds of posts. Here we go.

I bought my house five years ago. It needed some cosmetic work in order for me to be really happy with it. Nothing major. I hated the kitchen stools. I didn't like the kitchen countertops. I didn't like the carpets. The walls needed to be painted something other than white. The backdoor needed to be replaced. I needed to hang new Venetian blinds and curtains.

Here it is, five years later and what of that list have I accomplished? The painting of the walls -- albeit in a half-assed way upstairs. And the carpets downstairs have been replaced. Why not upstairs? I have no idea. The rest of it? Nope.

I'll admit -- I have a fear of commitment. It encompasses all of the usual areas of my life that you would expect it to -- jobs, boyfriends, living arrangements. Buying a house was a major step. But I guess I did it the same way I do a lot of things -- putting one toe in to test the waters knowing how easy it is to pull your toe out if the water isn't comfortable sort of half-way way. Sure, I bought the house, but I've done very little to make it feel like home. It still feels like it could be anyone's house to me. Like one day I could say, "Well, let me just pack up my clothes and kitchen stuff and move on."

And then I was presented with the opportunity to do just that. I wouldn't have needed anything except my clothes and kitchen gear. In fact, I wouldn't have been able to bring much else as I would have been living in a bedroom in someone else's home. And this was very appealing to me. I had mentally moved all of my stuff into storage. I had paired down my life to one closet and a few Rubbermaid bins. I'd be moving far out of state. Leaving my job behind. Leaving my friends behind. Leaving my house behind. Leaving my volunteer position behind. Leaving my social sports teams behind. No commitments. Freedom.

And when presented with this opportunity for freedom, what did I do? I turned it down.

I can't really put my finger on it, but now I think I'm ready to finish painting my bedroom. And to replace the carpet upstairs. Not only that -- I'm going to build that rooftop deck I mentioned back in 2001 when I saw the house. I guess I'm starting to realize that saying is true, "Wherever you go, there you are." If I have trouble putting down roots here, I'd have the same issues wherever I go. And I'd like to be done with that. For once in my life, I'd really like to be settled. I want to be satisfied with what I have and not what "could be next". I didn't realize it would be so much effort, but I think I'm ready for it.

PS: And by "build a deck" I do mean "pay a qualified professional to build a deck."

Could I Be a Southern Belle?

2006-05-15T16:08:00.000-04:00

I'm actively pursuing a job in Memphis TN (well, to be fair, THEY are pursuing ME.) I'm a east coast girl. Born and raised in New Jersey, spent my adult life (to date) in Baltimore. I have an accent, I walk and drive fast and I drink beer. I'm not exactly cut from Southern Belle cloth. Which has gotten me thinking -- will I fit in?

Not knowing what exactly defines a Southern Belle I went to the always trust-worthy Google to find out.

The second URL listed offered the following list, which I will use as my baseline to determine whether or not this East Coast girl will be able to function in southern society:

Proper Southern Belles...
*What they do NOT do*

1. Never blow their nose in public.

Hehe. I stopped reading at "blow" -- guess I missed this one.

2. Do not 'pass gas' in public.

Not only do I 'pass gas' in public, I'll say "Whoa. Shouldn't have had egg salad on dollar beer night." Missed this one.

3. Never wear white shoes or carry white handbags before Easter or after Labor Day.

White shoes? White handbags? I wouldn't do this any day of the year because I'm not a pimp. Missed another one.

4. Never chase after a man... they connive a man into chasing 'them'. Then act totally surprised when 'caught'.

Chase a man? The only man I've ever chased is the ice cream man when he went past my house without stopping so I could buy my Good Humor Chocolate Eclair ice cream.

5. Do not call men on the telephone.

What the hell are we supposed to call them on? These southern chicks must have some advanced technology of which we are unaware making it possible to call someone on something other than a telephone. Kudos to those smart cookies!

6. Never eat large amounts in public... they only nibble and say that they aren't hungry. (A southern belle will eat before a date, then again afterwards! It's not until the 'date' is of a fiancé status that a southern belle orders everything on the menu!

WTF? I'm human. I eat. Deal with it. Missed another one.

7. Absolutely NEVER sleep with a man on a first date! (they get up and go home to do their sleeping!) A true southern belle never lets the man she's after see her first thing in the morning until she's 'got' him.

I'm confused on this one. I thought they meant sex. But they actually mean "sleep" -- so it's okay to have sex on the first date, but not the completely innocent act of sleeping. I won't even comment on the "got him" phrase.

8. Never sweat.

I could actually get on board with this one. I enjoy the occasional work-out, but could do without the mess of sweat.

9. Never get nervous or anxious... They're the picture of calm and control.

Me? I'm the picture of calm and collected. I never get hyper. I never lose my cool about things that are out of my control. Nope. Not me. Never.

10. Never cuss above a whisper where others might hear them. They use phrases like... 'oh my gosh', 'darn', and 'shoot'.

Fuck that.

11. Never have a gray hair until they're darn ready to have one!

I got my first gray hairs in sixth grade. Since then, they've multiplied like rabbits. Sometimes I color my hair, sometimes I don't. Basically, I don't care.

Overall, I think we can safely ascertain that I'm not Southern Belle Material (and apparently that Southern Belles are lazy, slutty and have bad fashion sense.) I guess the best I can hope is that they find my NJ/NY/MD 'tude charming and kitchsy enough to tolerate. Afterall, my east coast friends and family have never complained.

;)

Are all the good ones taken?

2006-04-25T13:31:00.000-04:00

As I left my house last night to go for a nice walk around the neighborhood a guy was walking down the street wearing workmen's gloves, holding a small animal cage and rope. As he got closer, I realized he was CUTE so I decided to win his affection with a great pick up line.

"Got a new pet, there?" I said. (Yes, that's my definition of being flirty. Why am I still single? Beats me.)

"Well, for a few more minutes," he replied as he slowed down.

I asked him what he had as I stopped walking. He held up the cage for me to see that it was a rat caught in one of those "humane" traps that doesn't harm the animal, just captures it so you can release it in a meadow more suitable for said animal.

"A rat. Oh my." My witty banter winning over his heart by the second.

"Yeah, well, we have a bit of a rat problem in our neighborhood," he said.

"What neighborhood?" I said looking around. Certainly not MY neighborhood.

"Two blocks over. It's really bad."

I said, "Really? We have a cat problem -- well, not a problem really, I think the cats keep the rats away. Are you setting that rat free on our streets?" I asked half-kidding.

"Uh, no. I'm taking him down to the water," he said slowly.

He thinks I'm dumb, I thought.

"Oh. Good idea. He can live down there," I said with relief that the rat wasn't making a new home in MY backyard but would be released back into the wild. The wild that is a pier built along new development, but wild to the rat I'm sure.

"Actually," he said, "I'm going to drown him by lowering him into the water," he said as he indicated the length of rope in his other hand.

"Oh. Oh. Well...uh, have fun with that," I said as I walked away.

Haha, I thought as I was walking. He's going to tie that rat to a rope and throw him in the water! Doesn't he know rats can swim? He's going to have a swimming rat on a rope, I thought with amusement. And how is he going to tie that rope around the rat? Sure, he's wearing, gloves, but that rat is going to try to bite him and get away.

Haha, I thought as I kept on walking. A swimming rat on a rope.

Three. Two. One.

THAT'S when it hit me. He wasn't going to tie the rope around the rat and lower it into the water. He was going to tie the rope around the cage and lower IT into the water! That rat was going to drown inside that little cage. Humane my ass!

And then, that guy was going to have to lift the cage from the water and remove the dead rat. And do what with it? I have no idea.

Why not just use one of those snapping rat traps that break their necks. I've seen them, and I've seen a rat caught in one. They work. Snap goes the trap. Scoop it up, toss it in a bag and throw it out for the garbage. Problem solved easy-peasy. And you don't have to be the killer, the trap does it all. Why bother with the humane trap if you're just going to have to walk to the water, tie it to a rope and do the killing yourself?

And that's how I figured out he must be married. Because only a guy in a relationship would bother with a "humane" trap only to then go on to drown the rat himself; thus, saving his love from the trauma of believing she took part in the killing. What a guy.

House of Horrors

2006-04-12T09:45:00.000-04:00

I am by no means a neat-freak. That's my polite way of saying, I can be a bit careless with my housekeeping. I don't mean actually dirty, food on the counters kind of not-neat, but leaving newspapers stacked on the coffee table and my shoes in the dining room kinda of not neat.

Which is why, when I got home last night and saw a plant leaf on the floor of my dining room I ignored it knowing that I'd go back to it after dinner to pick it up and throw it out.

Imagine my horror, however, upon leaning down to pluck said leaf from the carpet and realizing that it wasn't a leaf at all. Oh no, my friend. This 'leaf' had a tail where the stem should have been. And legs where the, well, where no legs should be. Screaming in horror I realized it was a DEAD MOUSE. And not just a dead mouse, but HALF of a dead mouse!!

I did what any rational girl would do and grabbed my phone and called a friend for sympathy. In this case, my cousin. I could barely breathe trying to get the words out. "Haha. That sucks," was her not very sympathetic reply.

"But it's HALF a mouse!! That's means one of the cats ate the other half!!"

"Or left it in your bed," was her not very sympathetic reply.

"Oh. My. God. I never thought that the other half could still be around," I said scanning the dining room floor.

"Oh. My. God. I see the other half, it's under the table. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. I need to call a guy friend to clean this up. Call you back."

I didn't call a guy friend. I couldn't do that to someone. I mean, just because a guy is a guy doesn't mean he's any more prone to wanting to clean up mouse halves. I grabbed a dust pan and a handfull of paper towels and scraped up the original remains. It was disgusting, but not so bad.

I then ventured to the table to get the top half of the mouse taken care.

Imagine my horror, however, upon leaning down to pluck the head-side of dead mouse from the carpet and realizing that it's NOT in fact the top half of said mouse, but ANOTHER BOTTOM HALF! My scream should have alerted the neighbors to the horror show unfolding in my house, but it's the city, so well, you know.

Grab phone. Call cousin. Repeat story.

Her: "Are they white mice or grey mice?"
Me: "What?? They are grey. Why?"
Her: "Well, the grey ones spread rabies, you know."
Me: "They do?? Oh great! That's great."
Her: "Haha!! I'm kidding. Loser."
Me: "I'm not going to keep calling you if you're going to be like that."
Her: "That's sort of my plan."

I cleaned it up and am still left to wonder -- WTF??? First of all - TWO mice in my house? Let's hope this is only because it's spring time and they are running amok outside and got lost, ending up inside. Number two, where the hell are the tops of their bodies?? Is it like eating cold shrimp? You bite off the top and throw the tails away? Did my cats have a cocktail party while I was away this weekend? The vodka stash did seem a little low.

I may never know what went on in that dining room this weekend. I'm not sure I'd want to know. But I'm glad whatever it was, my cats prevailed.

Fridays: Why Do I Bother?

2006-03-31T14:41:00.000-05:00

Why do I even bother coming to work on Fridays? I'm nearly 100% unproductive every Friday. It's become a mind-set by now. I feel put-upon if I actually have a meeting scheduled for a Friday.

A doctor requested a meeting with me for this AM. He said, "How's 9:00?" and my reply was "AM??" Because the concept of a 9:00 AM meeting on a Friday was as ridiculous to me as a 9:00 PM meeting.

By the time Friday rolls around, I'm worn out, apathetic and pretty much have no work ethic. Also, I'm quite possibly hungover and in need of a nap before I go out for Friday night fun.

A few other reasons why I shouldn't even bother coming in on Fridays include:

1. I rarely answer my phone on Fridays. I just don't. Nor do I check my voice mail.

2. I respond to some -- but not all -- emails. I may not even open them all (in fact, I currently have 6 unopened emails, the oldest is from 2/23 -- oops, that's kinda bad.)

3. I'm zoning out and killing time by surfing blogs. That's it. I'm just killing time.

About every hour or so, I do a few tasks, visible things so it appears that I've been working all day. But I know the truth. I'm sitting here trying not to fall asleep wondering how early I can leave without it looking like I'm leaving early. You know, the ol' get up and walk out without saying goodbye, leaving the computer and office lights on, so it seems like maybe you went to a meeting or the bathroom but you'll be coming back.

It would be much more beneficial for me AND the organization if I worked four 10 hours days and eliminated coming in on Fridays all together. Let's face it. I'm just sucking up resources now. I'm drinking the free coffee, I'm using the computer, my lights are on and I'm not really getting any billable work done.

Of course, if anyone from my office -- or god forbid my boss -- is reading this, I'm just kidding. And in fact, I wrote this from home. On a Saturday. Really.

Don't Go Changing

2006-03-29T11:09:00.000-05:00

I really hate it when I log onto a Web site that I visit every day and it's been redesigned! I feel so taken aback, lost and yes, a little betrayed.

That's exactly how I felt when I went to www.cnn.com this afternoon. I recoiled in surprise at their new 3-columns of equal width homepage format. I even tried to "drag and drop" one of the columns to make it go away -- which would have brought me closer to the previous design to which I was accustomed. Of course, that didn't work.

Why, oh, why must things change? Or change without warning? I need to be gently eased into these things, not hit with them suddenly. I can't shift gears that quickly, people.

It's kinda like when you "go home" -- ie: back to the house where you grew up -- only to find that your parents have -- God forbid -- rearranged the living room furniture!! WTF?? It was fine for 25 years with the entertainment center against THAT wall and the sofa against THAT wall. Now, you've gone and blown my mind by putting the TV over THERE and the arm chair over THERE. I hate that. I'm usually stunned into standing on the threshold of the room in question, unsure of whether or not I want to enter and with unanswered questions racing through my mind. Won't entering the newly organized room be like turning my back on the old room? Are the memories made in that room no longer important to us as a family? Will the new angle from my reclined position on the sofa be as conducive for watching E! True Hollywood Story? Was that even taken into consideration?

Maybe I'll write to CNN and see if they can send me a screen shot of yesterday's homepage. Just so I'll always have something to remember the old days by -- while I slowly accept that things are going to change. Whether I want them to or not.

I Love Being a Girl

2006-03-20T12:33:00.000-05:00

Last week, I went on a ski vacation with three guy friends. This was the third year for this group's annual ski trip but there was a major difference this year what with being the only girl (my best friend just had a baby so was out of commission.) I know, I know. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and all that. Yet the differences between the genders seemed so pronounced in several general areas that it nearly ruined the trip for me. Now that I'm home and have decompressed, I realize how insignificant most of these small nuisances really are. But I still have to get it out of my system.

1. Real Conversation:
Do guys ever talk to each other about anything of importance? Maybe it was just the personalities of the guys I was with but a) they hardly talked at all and b) when they did it was about the NCAA tourney and work (all in IT). My attempts at starting conversations hung lamely in the air like loud farts. If I was lucky, my lobbed comments were met with semi-polite nods or "Uh huhs" but never picked up and volleyed back. I was desperate for real conversation - preferably with a female. I felt like I was abandoned in a country where I didn't speak the language.

2. Advanced Planning:
We're on a ski vacation so we already know what we'll be doing each day. But because we were staying a 25 minute car ride from the mountain, we had some planning to attend to each day (and sometimes each evening.) Questions such a "What time are we leaving?" and "Are we going to eat dinner out?" were never directly answered. (See above.) Hello? I just spoke out loud didn't I? Did they not want to commit to an answer? Did no one want to make the decision? I have no idea. Basically, I resorted to making sure I was the first person up in the AM so I could gage what the plan was through observation and just tagging along for other stuff. This goes against my nature, but I figured it was my best course of action.

3. Leave No Man (or Woman) Behind:
Isn't this a cardinal rule of guyhood? I thought so. But I was mistaken when we had an outing to shop for souvenirs. Four of us go into the store, four of us should exit and four of us should enter the next store, right? Imagine my surprise when I realized I was left in the store. I was sure they had simply stepped outside to wait for me (mind you, I wasn't the one shopping -- THEY were, I was just along for the ride) but they were no where to be found. Back in the store, I asked the salesperson if she had seen 3 guys leave. She hadn't. Forced to use my cell phone, I discovered they had moved on to a shop across the street! Not just next door -- across the street! WTF? Where did they think I was? They had no answer (see above.)

4. Incessant Teasing and Ribbing:
In addition to the NCAA and work mutterings, it seemed to be popular to make fun of me for no real reason. I grew up with two brothers; I can handle the occasionally brotherly jabs. But come on!! We're all in our 30's and I'm not incompetent in any way, shape or form. Just because the satellite TV went out and I happened to have been the last one using the remote control doesn't mean I did something wrong!! (For the record, it was the guy who last turned the TV off.) And just because I'm smaller than you, doesn't mean I'll be the first one to throw in the towel during a physical activity. Case in point: snowshoeing. I was looking forward to that all week. But the bet you made that I'd be the first one to want to turn around (going so far as to do a mock whiney voice) really pissed me off. I would have snow shoed to Wyoming before turning around after that.

Boy, I could go on here (including the fact that you never let me have second helpings because you ate faster than me and took larger portions...), but I don't want to dwell (too much) on the negatives.

In an effort to be balanced, I will say that the gender differences yielded some positive experiences as well. Including:

1. Texas Hold 'Em:
Thank you for my first poker lesson. It's easier than I thought. I may not know if a straight beats a flush yet, but I'll learn those details. What's important is that you let me play fair and square. (Of course, after the hissy fit I threw regarding the TV you were probably scared of me -- see above). And thanks for not playing with real money which made it more fun to learn.

2. Pointless Activities = Competition:
When you threw a snowball from the deck it was fun to see how far across the field it would go. I tried and barely cleared the patio. That was enough for me. But not for you guys, oh no. One, two, three snowballs later and the game had been created -- get the snowball over the barbed wire fence. It took you all a long time to do it but you were not deterred. After the first guy got his over, I'm sure we would have stayed there all night until the other two could claim similar success. But it only took 20 minutes. And I was amused. I was equally amused/impressed with your snowball-throwing-to-remove-icicles-from-the-roof-overhang skills. Wow. What precision. And who would have thought that doing it would only take you a half an hour.

3. Eating Whatever I Want:
Because you ate whatever you wanted, so did I -- and I didn't feel guilty for it! Eating a half-pint of Ben & Jerry's was a good idea! Potato chips before dinner? Yes please! Granola bars, a Snicker's bar (!), a giant cookie, regular beer, fettuccine alfredo even -- nothing was off-limits. You guys sure have it good.

Overall, I had a good time. Not a great time, but a good time. The weather was awesome, skiing was great, and the house was beautiful. Will I go again next year if I'm the only girl? No way. My friend who had gone as the only girl 2 years ago says the same thing. Great conditions and a beautiful house just can't make up for the benefits of being a girl and having excellent girlfriends around you.

No. I Won't Date Your Ex-Husband. Thanks, though.

2006-02-27T12:45:00.000-05:00

When it comes to dating, I'm pretty open minded these days. I've met guys the traditional way (drunk in a bar); the non-traditional way (Match.com, 8 Minute Dating) and through mutual friends ("You like soup? My friend likes soup -- you'll love him!")

So when an acquaintance asked if I'd be interested in meeting a guy she had in mind for me, I didn't hesitate. I told her she could give him my email address. I even agreed to a night out with said acquaintance, her husband, and this guy without knowing anything about him.

Well let this be a lesson to me to ask more questions! I'm not saying I need a bio-sketch and background check but seriously, next time I will learn more before diving in.

First of all, he was about 10 years older than me. Now, I'm not being an "ageist" but that's a pretty big difference to take into consideration. Not to mention, he looked his age and I just didn't find that attractive.

But here's the kicker. We're about 3 hours into the night, I'm stuck because they insisted on driving to the bar/restaurant leaving my car at the house, when acquaintance says:

"I didn't know if I should tell you this before or not, but Bill is my ex-husband."
Me: ...

Seriously? I find this very strange. Some people may not. But I'm not one of those people. So now I'm in the position of already knowing I'm not interested but then I see the positive side of this -- I can "reject" him on the basis that I find it uncomfortable that he's the ex-husband. It's nothing personal, just situational.

Unfortunately, I had just enough to drink to make the entire saying goodnight/goodbye portion of the evening an embarrassing show in immaturity. Had I been more sober, I would have thanked all for a pleasant evening, murmered "Nice to meet you" and headed to my car. In reality when I did was stammer something about needing to get home, didn't thank anyone, didn't say "Nice to meet you" -- didn't really say goodbye and hauled ass to my car. Then I got lost in the damn maze of suburbia.

So, I guess now in addition to the standard questions I should ask when being set-up (How old is he? What are his interests?) I need to add "Have you ever been married to him?" Who would have thought?

I Want My iPod Back

2006-02-08T16:48:00.000-05:00

So my house was broken into this weekend. Probably Friday night -- luckily, thanks to the local bar's free beer special I wasn't able to get myself home and slept over a friend's house so I wasn't home when it happened. As far as being robbed goes, I'd say I got off pretty easy. It wasn't until today that I even started feeling pissed off about it.

I got home Saturday and realized something was amiss after about 10 minutes of doing stuff around my kitchen. That's when I saw that the back door was open. Still locked, but open. With a sinking feeling, I went back into the living room where I finally noticed that the spot previously occupied by my DVD player was empty. Upstairs, my laptop computer and jar full of change were gone (okay, they left the jar, kept the cash.)

They had gone through all of my jewlery, even scattered some on the floor, but didn't take any (I'm slightly insulted by this, that's some really nice stuff -- which has now been moved to an undisclosed location.)

But what really gets me, what really is pissing me off this morning, is the fact that they got my brand new iPod Nano with hot pink arm band. And they probably didn't even know it until they got home.

I conveniently left my gym bag in the same room as the laptop just so they could use the bag to carry said computer. What they likely didn't realize when they grabbed the bag was that my iPod Nano with hot pink arm band was tucked into the pocket of the bag.

Now I'm what can politely be called "frugal". I never splurge on myself. I drive a 10 year old car -- it's paid for. I trim my own hair. Manicures and pedicures? Yeah, right. I even hem my own jeans for crying out loud. So this iPod Nano with hot pink arm band was a HUGE splurge on myself. I even filled in the complimentary gift card -- as a gift for myself. It made me happy.

That's why I'm now pissed off. They took my one big splurge. The weekend it arrived, I came into the office to load iTunes and upload all of my CDs. I meticulously created playlists -- one for cardio workouts, one for lifting, one for walking. I had one for the office. I had one just for my French and Irish music.

Well guess what, Low-Life Punk Junkie? I hope you enjoy that iPod Nano with hot pink arm band. I hope you really like listening to Debbie Gibson (that's right, Debbie, not Deborah) and Britney Spears and the Indigo Girls. What's that? Roxy Music and The Chieftains aren't your thing? GOOD! Not sure what Eartha Kitt is crooning about in "Je Cherche Un Homme"? I can guarantee, it's not the likes of you.

So, friends, if you're out and about in my town and see some scumbag wearing a new iPod Nano with hot pink arm band, could you ask him to flip it over? Being frugal, I had my name and email addressed etched into the back of it -- you know, so it could be safely returned to me in case I lost it. Oh yeah, I'd also like my cordless drill with convenient carrying case back, too.
Thanks.

More News from the Office Bathroom

2006-01-30T15:22:00.000-05:00

I have already documented my Office Bathroom Pet Peeves. Today, though, I experienced the anti-pet peeve. The pet-please, if you will.

I went into one of the stalls of our office lady's room and low and behold but what do I see on the floor next to my chosen toilet? A magazine! Hot dog, it's about time!

My enthusiasm was lessened, though not by much, when I turned it over and saw that it was a Seventeen Magazine. What was even more confusing was the fact that it was addressed to the 50something director of the office across the hall.

Whatever the reason she 1) subscribes to Seventeen 2) was reading it in the bathroom and 3) left it there -- I don't care. I'm just hoping it starts a trend of finding fun and light reading materials in the office bathroom. It'll be those little things that make it almost alright to go.

What's a Girl Gotta Do to Get a Cookie?

2006-01-10T16:03:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, I will be half-way through South Beach Diet Phase 1. Yeah me! Of course, it's only a 2-week phase, so celebrating 7 days of dieting might not seem like much...unless you've actually been on the South Beach Diet Phase 1.

It started off fine. Eggs for breakfast. Low-fat ham, turkey and cheese for lunch. Walnuts for a desk snack. Homemade chicken soup for dinner (no noodles, no rice.) A glass of milk for an evening snack. What's not to like?

I'll tell you what's not to like. Being hungry. Normally, I probably eat about 6 eggs a year. In the past week, I've had 9. NINE EGGS. I know, I know, I'm allowed to eat pork, beef, chicken, fish, beans. But what I really want is a bowl of cereal. Give me back my oatmeal!

In the interest of full disclosure, I should point out that I didn't buy the SBD book (although I do have the cookbook). I am using resources from the Internet, so I do have the "approved foods" and "foods to avoid" lists. I used to have oatmeal or a small can of pineapple as a snack. What could be healthier than oats or fruit? Apparently, a big heaping dish of ham and eggs. Why? I have no idea because I didn't buy the book.

And let's not forget the most important tribulation of this diet. NO ALCOHOL! WTF? Why not just give me a buzz cut and make me wear skunk-scented perfume 'cause it would have the same impact on my social life -- as in negative. I tried to go out to the bars as usual on Friday AND Saturday night. Good Lord, you people are annoying. And by "you people" I mean the same friends I drink with every other weekend and love to death. But come on. Have you seen yourselves drunk? No? Well, I have and it's no fun. But don't worry, this hasn't been a lesson for me 'cause on Day 15 I plan to be right back there with you.

Tomorrow, I will weigh myself for the first time since starting the diet. And let me tell you, if I haven't lost at least 4 pounds you are going to be reading one unhappy blogger.

$10 Haircut? Yes, please.

2005-12-21T11:12:00.000-05:00

I got a $10 haircut last night and came to a decision. From now on, I will "treat" myself to a "good" haircut once -- maybe twice -- a year. All other haircuts will be of the $10 variety. Why? I figure at the $10 place all they really need to do is trim up the lines created by the $100 haircut. Not too hard right? Just a trim...

This decision comes on the heels of realizing that I've reached the 1/4 mark in my savings goal. I was psyched until I realized that it took me nearly half a year to reach the 1/4 mark. I can do better than that! To me, saving my money has become like a competition with myself. I have a color-coded spreadsheet that plots where my money goes from each of my 2-monthly pay checks. Each month it's a game to see how much I can squeeze into one of my many and varied accounts.

Which leads me to another point. I have many and varied accounts. I have a checking and savings account at Primary Bank. I have a savings account at Bank 2. I have a savings account with an Online Bank. I have a CD account with Big Finance Company. I have an IRA with Big Finance Company. I have 2 401K's with the same Big Non-Profit Finance Company that I don't know how to merge into one account. That's 8. Not to mention the jar of change and dollar bills at home on my dresser. And the secret stash of cash I sometimes keep in my car.

I have a recollection of myself at about age 8 opening my record player lid only to have 9 one-dollar bills tumble out. Oh the joy! I must have squirreled them away and forgotten about them, but the joy upon finding that money stays with me. I think I'm recreating that feeling now. Until today, I had forgotten about savings account at Bank 2. Only $50 a month goes into it but I have $300.00 there now. Cool. It's like finding $9.00 in my record player all over again!

A Reminder to Remember

2005-12-06T14:15:00.000-05:00

Haha -- this just came in via work email. I guess the people attending this seminar WOULD need a reminder.

>>> SOME INTERNAL OFFICE12/6/2005 12:32 PM >>>
Hi Everyone:
Just wanted to remind you of the Maximizing Memory Seminar on Wednesday, 12/7 from 12:15-1 pm in Room 401.
See you there.
Office Hours:
Monday thru Friday from 8 AM - 5 PM

The Sympathy Shop is Closed

2005-12-05T09:49:00.000-05:00

As a friend, one of my jobs is to be there for friends when they are feeling down and to either lend a sympathetic ear and take no action, or try to boost their feelings by offering sage advice such as, "Eh, he's an asshole" which is a statement and not really advice but after a few beers it seems to do the trick. In any case, a friend knows which option is appropriate.

For the past 2 weeks, I have ONCE AGAIN lent a sympathetic ear to a friend who has ONCE AGAIN been (seemingly) blown off (her words) by a guy she's been seeing for about a year. It's supposedly a casual thing, she claims she doesn't expect it to go any where, she claims they aren't "dating" in the true sense. However, she spends entire weekends with him -- either at his house or hers. They have mid-week dates. When he calls at the last minute, she accepts his invitations no questions asked. If he doesn't call for 2 weeks in a row, however, she falls into a deep quagmire of depression. During this time, who does she call for for support? Who does she suddenly turn to for weekend plans? Yeah, if you guessed me, you'd be right.

Yet the minute he calls, she's in her car and doing the one hour drive to his house. Only to be left to wonder if he'll call again the next day or wait another 2 weeks. Another 2 weeks during which I have to be there to listen to her say that THIS TIME she's SURE he's done with her.

Well guess what, Friend -- after this last time, I'M DONE. That's right. The Sympathy Shop is closed for you. How do you like that? You want to know why? I'll tell you. Because you used me. That's right, I get it now. You only come out when he's not around. And when you come out you're a dark storm cloud obsessed with not having fun. Don't get me wrong - in this otherwise wonderful friendship, this is really the only downside. We'll still be friends. But don't come crying to me anymore. Just don't. I thought I had an endless well of sympathy for friends and strangers alike. However, you have taught me that I don't.

When I suggested on Friday that you do something good for yourself by ending things now you would have thought I had suggested killing kittens for sport. When you told me that you don't want to be alone and I replied, "You are alone. How is putting yourself through this every other month good for you?" you replied that it was better than nothing. Really? Okay. If you say so. But it's not better for me. Because I NO LONGER CARE! I think he's a jerk. And what's more, I think you're a jerk for letting someone treat you like that. And that's because I care about you. Grow some balls, Friend. And while you're at it, call up one of the other girls who you haven't bored to tears with this saga, 'cause next time you try telling me I'm going to shrug and say, "Well, at least you aren't alone." And go back to drinking my beer.

Sounds Like Rent-a-Wife...Sign Me Up!

2005-11-15T15:06:00.000-05:00

I'm registered with an online domestic personnel site -- primarily to look for private chef gigs. Today, though, I received notice that someone had flagged my profile as interested. I immediately logged in to see what the job was. Briefly, the employer is a single (heterosexual) male who has never been married, loves children, is pursuing adoption or taking in foster children, and "very much would like to live in a family atmosphere." He's looking for a woman to run his household and some of his business duties.

Sounds like Rent-A-Wife and I have to say, I'm the perfect candidate for this job!

How am I qualified you might ask? Let me tell you.
1. I am too independent to actually consider marriage a viable option at this point, but would have no problem acting the part.
2. I, too, enjoy children -- other people's children. I have no desire to breed any of my own any time soon but I have to say the Mommy-Bug comes and goes with me these days. And kids love me. Seriously.
3. I'm a chef -- I can cook a mean dinner! I just have no one to cook for.
4. I can clean (sort of.)
5. I will ask about his day and listen but because I'm not actually vested in his life I will not offer any advice, which could be misconstrued as the dreaded "nagging".
6. I won't care if he leaves the toilet seat up, his socks on the floor, hair in the sink. I may have to clean up after him, but I'll be getting paid to do so!

As a career goal, I never thought of Wife, but the more I think about it -- over the course of the past few hours while I'm supposed to be working on my real job -- it sounds great. I'd even throw in a few bonus duties such as attending dinners and galas with Mr. Employer. You know, to really drive home that "family atmosphere" he's looking for. Trophy wife? No problem. Dress me up and parade me around, that's what I'm here for. Foot massage? It'll cost you extra but sure, bring 'em on.

I will apply myself for this position with the gusto once previously reserved for those Information Architecture jobs I so desired. Ah, how things change...

The Crashed Crush Update

2005-11-09T09:57:00.000-05:00

UPDATE: I got together last night with the Crashed Crush. It was a little weird at first. And then I said, 'You know I've been avoiding you.' He said he noticed. I asked if he knew why and he said, 'Because I blacked out twice in one weekend.' Me: ??? 'I know you blacked out Saturday -- but Sunday too?' Yes, he did. I said that wasn't the reason and told him basically that I was surprised to learn of his recent behavior. We talked about it. I understand better now.

He's still a great guy looking for a great girl. And like all of us in similar situations, he's going to make some mistakes along the way. I know I have, and I probably will in the future. That's why we need our friends -- to accept us even when we make mistakes and to help set ourselves straight again. And to be there when we make mistakes again. And that's what I plan on doing, not only for Crash, but for my other friends as well. And I know they will be doing the same for me.

End of sappy post.

When Boys Are Girls

2005-11-08T14:37:00.000-05:00

This weekend, I kissed my friend's guy friend. It was mutual, it was innocent, it was over in 10 minutes. Case closed. Or so I would think.

We were all out (4 of us) for a night on the town. Drinks were had, bar games were played, there was some dancing on the bar tops. A normal night. We flirted once we were good and liquored up. He walked me to the door of the bar when it was time for me to go home. We kissed. I went home. Alone.

Thus began the Boys Acting Like Girls. Apparently, this scenario was analyzed from every angle in the cab ride home. (Just like girls are wont to do.) The analysis continued at home. (Just like girls are wont to do.) And the analysis continued the next day. (Okay, now they are just being obsessive.)

At the root of the next day's review was my "follow-up" email to B-Boy (AKA: the one I kissed.) I sent a very innocuous email – ‘glad you could make out for the birthday celebration, hope you had a good time, see you next time we all go out.’

He called his buddy and read it to him to analyze before he replied to me! Now, did I call my friend and ask her if what I said was okay? No.....Did it even occur to me to do so? No...

Anyway, the whole story made me laugh a bit. I mean, guys criticize women for being "Drama Queens" and making too much out of things. In this case, the opposite is true. He was so worried that by kissing, I was going to assume we were a couple. Hehe. That makes me laugh. He's obviously never read my blog!

But just in case he surfs in and recognizes himself, here's a note just for him - the rest of you stop reading.

Dear B-Boy:
Thanks for kissing me on Saturday night. I quite enjoyed it. Obviously, our attraction to each other was heightened by the many sakes you consumed and the 5 vodka and sodas I had consumed. That's not to say you aren't an attractive guy -- indeed you are.

However, we'll be hanging out with our dating friends often enough and I don't think either of wants to make anyone else uncomfortable. I know I don't want to be uncomfortable. And given the amount of analyzing you did regarding our first kiss, I suspect you don't want to be uncomfortable either.

That said, should we have another drunk night out -- what am I saying? -- WHEN we have another drunk night out, we may end up kissing again. In fact, I look forward to it. When that happens, please don't take it so personally. Sometimes, it's only a kiss. Enjoy it.

Your friend,
Subject to Change

When a Crush Crashes

2005-11-07T11:03:00.000-05:00

I know, I haven't updated in a while. First, I had a birthday weekend and Halloween to deal with. Usually, these things make me pretty happy. And going into it this year, I was happy. But somewhere around midnight on Saturday it all started to change. And by Sunday evening around 7:00, I was completely bummed out, crying and sobbing on the phone with my friends.

I will say that my birthday celebration on Friday night was great! Dinner and drinks with my close friends, nice night out, nothing too crazy but social enough to be fun. Saturday night, Halloween party -- loved my costume. Party was decent but I wanted to get back to the bar scene so called up my friend and we went to our regular place. That was a mistake. Sober on a regular Saturday night is bad enough at this place, sober on Halloween-Saturday is so much worse. There's nothing like seeing a bunch of 20-somethings in their "sluts r us" costumes to make one feel incredibly old.

Ran into my best guy friend/crush du jour. I've had "feelings" for him for months now. He may or may not know. He definitely doesn't return any romantic inclinations, but that's okay. I'm happy to have his friendship. What I hadn't counted on is how I'd feel if I knew for certain things were never going to happen between us. I guess I always knew it, but knowing it and having proof are two different things.

He was incoherently drunk. So I was immediately in "take care of him" mode. But he was too drunk to even realize. I suggested that he get a cab and go home and he responded, "No. I'm going home with K." Oh. This sort of hurt because all along he's been saying that's she's nothing more than a random hook-up and I believed him. He does that a lot after all. Plus, he assures me that he doesn't sleep with these girls, he just kisses them, they sometimes sleep over, very innocent. But this one -- she's been a regular. AND add to that the fact that I had slept over his house (in his bed) Friday night. Granted, nothing happened, but still...

So I left him on his own and found other friends to hang out with for the night.

Skip to Sunday afternoon. Back at the bar watching football, playing foosball. He tells me he doesn't remember seeing me the night before. Doesn't remember grabbing my ass, doesn't remember saying he was going home with K (even though he did go home with her.) I said, "I thought you said things weren't going on with you guys..." And he says..."Subject to Change. You're a pretty girl, but I'm sleeping with K."

Me: ....!!

So I did what any sensible girl would do. I grabbed my stuff and ran to my car where I sat crying for 2 minutes before I drove home.

The crush had crashed. It's not so much that he slept with her - although that was surprising, if you know this guy. He's often told me he doesn't "do that" because of the way he was raised, Christian, respect women, etc etc. I never expected to hear that he would sleep with someone he wasn't in a relationship with.

Cry to my friends for the next 2 hours. Got much sympathy which was very nice -- you guys rock!

Skip to Wednesday out with my friend D (a guy). During the course of conversation, I learn that a few weeks earlier Crush Boy had slept with another friend of ours -- K's roommate!! WTF?? I was speechless.

I'm left feeling like I never knew him at all. I went into total avoidance mode. This with a guy I had emailed or talked to nearly every day for a year. Someone I hung out with 2-4 times a week. I just didn't know how to deal with this new side of him. I tried to rationalize it -- I've slept with people I'm not in a relationship with (not recently) but I never claimed to be pure and innocent. I never lied about it.

I haven't seen him since that Sunday -- over a week now. I'm probably going to lose him as a friend if I don't get over it. But now I'm thinking -- do people think I slept with him?? We're often together, just the 2 of us, at night. If he's known as a male-slut (unbeknownst to me) won't people assume I'm guilty by association? Ew. I don't want people thinking I sleep/slept with him! Should I talk to him about it? To what end? What would I say? "Don't be a normal 26 year old male and sleep with all the women who throw themselves at you?" Yeah, right.

What I learned from that weekend, though, is it's time for me to grow up. I'm not a 26-year old anymore. I can't act like one. I have no business being at this particular bar on a Saturday night, trying to meet guys. Why bother? And I don't need to hang out with my (younger) friends at the bar on Sundays, drinking away the evening. Sure, it's fun - but I should be doing something better with my time. Those days are over for me. It's time I realize. And now I have. So it's taken me about a week for it to sink in and put it in practice. And you know what? I feel pretty good about it.

Give to Charity, It's the Right Thing To Do. And You Get an iPod.

2005-10-12T14:10:00.000-04:00

It's United Way drive time in my office and you know what that means -- heavy-handed tactics to get the entire office to donate so the office, no, so that the Institution, looks good.

Let's shoot for 100% participation! Giving is easy -- no amount is too small! We can deduct it from your paycheck! GIVE! GIVE! GIVE! And if you wouldn't mind, could you just go ahead and make your donation to the Institution for which you work rather than a charity of your choice?

Not only will I not give to the United Way (don't get me started), I take offense at the suggestion that the only time I'm charitable is during United Way campaign time. Here's the email I received a few minutes ago:

"I know you don't need an incentive to "do the right thing," but all those who contribute to United Way by Oct. 20 will be eligible for a special drawing for an i-pod. Thank you! The Boss"

Really? Only those of us who "do the right thing" are eligible to receive an iPod? I do the right thing all the time, and you see, I thought that doing the right thing was incentive enough.

Will those of us who donate our time on a regular basis to charitable causes such as teaching English as a second language, or cooking meals for the homeless or taking care of the children in a battered women's shelter be eligible for this incentive to "do the right thing"?

How about those of us who have depleted our charitable giving funds by donating to hurricane and earthquake relief funds? Will we be eligible for the incentive to "do the right thing"?

How about those of us who believe that real charity takes time, as well as money, yet are only able to give of our time -- and our skills -- to those who need it most. Will we be eligible for the incentive to "do the right thing"?

No. We won't. And I'm okay with that because I didn't sign up to do charity work to receive iPods. I don't even need someone to say "thank you" -- although it's nice when it happens. I do it because I have something to offer my community -- a community that has so many needs it's hard to decide where my time would be best used.

Rather than assuming that people don't want to give to charities unless there is something in it for them, they should educate people on WHY they should give of their time and money. I think that would yield better results overall. Hey -- if that free iPod gets someone who normally wouldn't give anything to make a donation to a worthy cause -- I'm not against that. But the lesson hasn't been learned. Will that person re-up next year when there is no iPod? Doubtful.

But maybe I'm naive because I actually do volunteer work and I firmly believe that all of my friends have the capacity and time to do so too, they just don't do it (except for you, Ms. Spanish Teacher). So there, that’s what I’m saying. Get up and volunteer for something! And no, pouring beer at the street festival doesn’t count, but it’s a start.

I will now get off of my soap box.

Thong Gone Wrong

2005-10-06T12:11:00.000-04:00

As we are all well aware, thongs have gained popularity in the past few years. And as we all know, they sometimes do creep up a bit and need to be put back in their place -- below the waistline of our jeans. That's understandable. However, what is not understandable is the blatant disregard for thong ettiquette illustrated here.

Here we have a not-unattractive girl at a bar probably on a date. She is sitting in a bar stool, leaving her back exposed to the rest of the patrons. Namely me and my camera cell phone. My keenly observant friend, we'll call him Tiger, first pointed her out and I couldn't take my eyes off of this Thong Gone Wrong.

WTF? Now I'm not a prude, however, this was note-worthy because there's NO WAY she didn't know what was going on back there. First of all, her shirt was too short to even yank down -- not that she once tried to. Second of all, it was breezy - she had to feel the breeze across her back dancing precariously close to her ass-crack, no? And third -- hello?? How high up her crack was the thong anyway? That cannot be comfortable!

Here we have in more detail the Anatomy of a Thong Gone Wrong

Had I not been convinced that this was a contrived excuse to generate attention, I would have done the polite thing and alerted her to her Thong Gone Wrong. Discreetly, of course. But this was too blatant to have been accidental.

My attempts to draw attention to it by tucking my t-shirt into my jeans and pulling my thong up over my shirt did nothing other than generate some odd stares in my own direction. And get a laugh out of Tiger. Sadly, I don't have a picture of that. But trust me, it was funny.

In other Thong Gone Wrong news, earlier this week, my male coworker came in to my office for the sole purpose of letting me know he was wearing a thong. WTF? I need to know this why?? He's married with a kid, I don't want to know anything about his undergarments -- especially that he's wearing a thong. Why would ANY guy, other than a male stripper, wear a thong? That cannot be attractive no matter what. I had an image of those thongs with the elephant face where a guy can tuck his junk into the trunk of the elephant. Ew. Just no.

So please. Let this be a warning. Girls, if you wear a thong, keep it below the waistline. Guys, just don't wear them at all. I shudder to think how different this post would be had those picture been of a guy in Thong Gone Wrong. I shudder to think.

Who? Me?

2005-10-05T11:19:00.000-04:00

As I was driving to work this morning, I was thinking about my latest post (see below) and thought, "Have I ever been a Come Here, Go Away Girl?!?" Could it be that I'm not as perfect as I think I am? But then I realized that was just crazy thinking and I went back to zoning out for the 15 minute drive.

But seriously, I think it's possible. Maybe I should think about that a little more before I "judge" these guys. Maybe. But I doubt I will.

Come Here. Go Away.

2005-10-04T10:31:00.000-04:00

I have come to the final realization that there will always be a "Come here, go away" guy in my life. I met my first CHGA guy when I was about 24. I didn't realize it at first but in retrospect, that's what he was. I'm sure most girls have experience with these guys -- whether or not they call them that, I don't know.

It's been made worse with the ease of text messaging from our cell phones. What better way to play the game -- you don't even have to talk to the person! And you have to keep your sentiments very short, and open to interpretation. Most incidents happen between Thursday and Saturday night, leaving the week days open to fester and analyze with your friends. And the whole thing starts again come week's end. A typical CHGA Guy is around for a few months, but I have a friend who was dealing with her own CHGA Guy for 5 years! It started when she was 23 so in fairness to her, she was too young to realize what was happening and she was smitten by the attention. Now, though, she sees that he (older) has some serious issues with relationships. Which is probably the bottom line with most of these guys.

Here's a general summation of a typical "Come here, go away" guy situation:

You have a date, a hook-up or any sort of personal encounter. It goes well, you are smitten, he seems smitten but it's only one date/encounter so you don't really know.

He calls/emails/texts right away. He flirts. It's fun. You tell your friends you might like him.

You see him again right away. Cool.

You don't hear from him. So you contact him because things seem okay. Probably you are buzzed and have resorted to sending him a text (aka: fishing). He gives you crumbs in response.

You're confused but decide "Oh well. He's not into me." And mentally move on. You delete his phone number so you can't drunk text or dial again.

He calls/texts, most likely out of the blue. He wants to get together. You have nothing else going on and really, no reason to say "no" because it's not like he did anything *wrong*, right? So you see him. Maybe you hook up.

You hear from him again during the week. He's into you! Yeah.

So you contact him next. He doesn't reciprocate. You think, "Whatever, dude. I'm done." And delete his phone number -- again.

He texts you. You think, "Stop it." You know you shouldn't write back but you do. And now you think, "Why does he still have my number? Maybe he IS into me..."

And so on and so on and so on.

And guys wonder why girls get "psycho" -- do they think this is normal behavior? One day, I just won't bite. I will break the cycle.

I do know that one reason I fall for it is because I'm bored and am not dating anyone. That puts one in a very vulnerable spot for receiving any kind of attention. There I said it. When you're not getting any attention, even sporadic attention seems appealing. Until you turn into the psycho (please, I do not even want to share that story, suffice it to say, I think my latest CHGA guy (AKA Deer in Headlights) will not be contacting me anymore. He earned it with his own CHGA behavior -- he was Offender #1 in this.)

But at least that leaves room for the next CHGA Guy. I'll keep you posted, of course.

News Flash: Doggy Sitting

2005-10-04T10:26:00.000-04:00

Dogs and Cats Don't Get Along

(Baltimore) It was recently discovered in Baltimore that cats and dogs don't get along. The news comes as a surprise to area resident Subject to Change who previously thought this was folklore. According to Ms. Change, "I thought this was folklore."

Ms. Change learned the lesson when she brought her friend's dog home to doggy-sit. Things seemed calm at first, until the first cat-dog sighting sent fur flying and cats scrambling to get the hell out of there.

While the dog was friendly and playful, the cats have never met a dog before
-- especially in their previously tranquil domicile. This has come as quite a shock to the cats. According to Cat 1 of Subject to Change, "This has come as quite a shock to us."

Cat 1 retreated to the sanctity of the basement, while Cat 2 retreated to the upstairs bedroom. While convenient at first, the cats soon realized the folly of their hiding choices. The basement houses the kitty litter while the second floor -- with the dog -- houses the food. The food was quickly moved to the third floor. The dog, it seems, is hesitant to go up the stairs -- to the great relief of the cats. According to Cat 2, "This has come as a great relief to us."

If Ms. Change returns home to find that the cats have not eaten and are unable to reach the kitty litter in the basement, the dog will have to be moved to a new location, most likely in the cat-free home of friends in Baltimore.

I Got Nothin'

2005-09-28T10:36:00.000-04:00

Between my "real" job and my new part-time job, I haven't had much time to do anything fun. And surprisingly, my job in the kitchen of a restaurant has yet to afford me anything blog-worthy. Although, in the sake of keeping everyone updated, I will say that at the end of Week 2, I gave my 2-weeks notice. I mean, they killed me with hours in those first 2 weeks and I was missing my "real" job because I was oversleeping. But the Chef and I talked it out and she offered to give me fewer hours in exchange for staying on. My reduced hours begins this week with me working from 5:30-12 tonight and 8AM-4PM on Sunday. That sounds great EXCEPT the big festival is on Saturday and I had taken off for that -- not anticipating that I'd have to work at 8AM. So as you can see, this job thing is seriously interfering with my social life. And drinking life.

Now I'm considering quitting for real. I have to get out of there before Halloween or else they may make me work that weekend -- and if you know me, you know I live for Halloween weekend! Because it wraps my favorite things into a few-day span -- my birthday and dressing up in costume!

In other news, Deer in Headlights guy and I hadn't really communicated much since that night. I saw him last week after one of our games and I asked him why he left without saying goodbye. He said it was I who left but based on the timeline of events, I proved him wrong. Okay, maybe I didn't need to be so adamant, but I hate when people say I'm wrong when I know I'm right. In any case, there haven't been any more get togethers...HOWEVER...on Sunday night (while I was at work) I received a voice mail from his phone. But it was one of his girlfriends and she drunkenly said, "Hi Heather...this is DIHG. Well, one of DIHG's friends actually. We're at the bar and he would really looooooove to see you. So stop by, okay?"

When I saw him the next night (out for a friend's birthday) I said, "Did you know one of your friends called me last night..." And he said, "Yeah - she did that without my knowing when I went to the bathroom." Oh. I'm flattered. I had sort of wished he'd say something like, "Yeah - why didn't you come by?" or something like that...oh well.

Moving right along. Hopefully I'll have something blog-worthy at the end of this weekend.

Because I'm the Boss, That's Why!

2005-09-21T09:01:00.000-04:00

I'm pissed. So I'm writing this off the cuff. I rarely, if ever, have bad feelings towards the two people in my department who report directly to me, but right now ARGH! Having been in their shoes, I know exactly what they are thinking which makes it all the worse.

And it's such a stupid thing - in my opinion - but probably not in theirs. There was a vendor conference yesterday that I attended as a client. This was open to all clients of the vendor - of which my co-workers are as well. When the invite came out, I sent it to all members of the institutional Web committee -- which they are on.

Now, they are saying that I never told them about it and they wished they could go. Let me point out, this wasn't one of those fun Las Vegas conferences. It was a day-long session in the suburbs. That's it. Nothing else. No reason for 2 of us to attend, let alone all 3 of us.

So they each emailed me separately saying how surprised they were to hear that I'd be attending when they didn't even know about. And they cc'd each other so I know they discussed it before sending their emails. That pissed me off.

I wrote back and pointed out that I do not maintain the contact list for this vendor and did in fact send it to the entire Web list so they did know about it. FURTHERMORE, even if they had known about it, only 1 of us would have attended and in the future, we can rotate who represents our office. I DON'T F'IN CARE!!! They can go to every off-site meeting for all I care. Have a ball.

So you know what? I'm going to be a pain in the ass boss for the rest of the week. They asked for it.

Damn You, Three-Beer Buzz!

2005-09-14T09:11:00.000-04:00

When I go to happy hour having not eaten much during the day, all it takes is 3 pints and I'm good to go. I'll sing like a bird - it's like Wonder Woman has thrown her lasso of truth around me and I can tell no lies. But what might be more disturbing than that, is the fact that all conviction to not contact guys that I shouldn't be interested in goes out the window. I might go an entire two weeks not contacting a guy who has seemingly blown me off, and in one short moment, after draining the third pint of Yuengling, I'm off to text message land, the newest answer to fishing - even more personally detached than emailing.
So that's what I ended up doing last night. I texted Deer in Headlights. In my defense (of course I have a defense) HE texted me the night before. Granted, I wrote back and never heard from him again but still. He started it. And of course, I never heard back from him last night. Damn I'm an idiot.
But not only that. I texted a New Guy (more to come on him, I hope). A guy I should not be flirting with -- especially this early in the game. Ugh. All I can hope for at this point is that his phone doesn't get text messages. Is that possible?

Deer in Headlights

2005-09-07T11:59:00.000-04:00

I don't think I've ever actually seen a deer in headlights, in the wild. However, last night I did get to witness how that expression looks when manifested on a guy.

First: Let this act as the Brother Warning. If you don't want TMI about my social life, stop reading.

I went to a wine market opening with a couple of friends. I had thought about inviting the guy I've been, shall we say, spending time with. (Clarification: Spending time means I've slept over his house a few times after drinking with friends. The closest we've gotten to a date was him calling me on Monday and inviting me over for a movie, which was really nice. To further clarify, I have not slept with him, but we have been hooking up.)

I didn't invite him to join us 1) because we're not dating and I don't want to seem over-eager and 2) he has told me several times how much he dislikes wine.

It was due to reason #2 that I was surprised to see him there. Not only that, he was with another girl who appeared to be into him. And not just any girl. His roommate. The same roommate who had walked in on us cuddling on the couch watching a movie the night before. Now this guy is adorable. I can totally see how any girl who knows him would be interested. So that part I understand. But his roommate?? (And I have to add, when we saw them, my friend said, "Is he with his mother?" She was being serious.)

When we went over to say hello is when I saw the Deer in Headlights look. Kind of amusing but I was confused. Why did he look like that? And he barely said three words. Then, they left without saying goodbye. I was kind of hurt about that. I sent him a text message saying, "You left early..." or something like that. No response.

I'm bummed. This guy had clearly been pursuing me for a few weeks. Always holding my hand when we're out with friends. Kissed me for the first time at the bar, in full sight of others. He calls me (I've never called him). He sends me texts. I reply.

Once more, I'm going to have say "I DON'T GET IT." Or maybe that's it - he wasn't getting *it*, from me. But can get *it* from her. And I'm talking about sex you know. Who knows??

I decided a while ago, though, no relationship = no sex. And I'm standing by that. Sorry guys, but that's how it's gotta be. It's not you, it's me. It's for my piece of mind. Had I slept with Deer in Headlights guy, my feelings would be shattered -- regardless of whether or not going into it I KNEW it was just a hook-up and not a relationship. The bottom line is, I can't do it. I can't have a regular booty call. I'm just not able to deal with the casualness of it.

So if nothing else, this experience has reconfirmed what I probably already knew but wanted to deny. I'm a relationship girl. I want a boyfriend. I'm ready for a boyfriend (finally!) And I'm gonna be a damned good girlfriend to the right guy!

If only I could meet him.

I Don't Even Know What to Say

2005-08-31T13:32:00.000-04:00

I am obsessed with hurricane coverage. I was up until 12:30 online and watching the news. I can hardly get any work done 'cause I'm constantly hitting "refresh" on my email and news browsers.

I have posted several messages on Craig's List offering my home to people who are in MD who can't get home OR who can get here and need a place to stay.

I've also offered to make calls for people looking for loved one but who have limited access to phone. Currently, I'm calling a man's ex-wife and his daughter who thought to ride out the storm -- in Biloxi. I've been calling their Aunts and Grandmother as well as their own cell phone but no calls are going through. I would love to connect with them for him. But then I thought, what if it's bad news. I can't even think of that.

And the news is showing the looters. My friend said it pisses her off. Well, you know what? If I had no food or water for three days and my only possesions were the wet and dirty clothes on my back, I'd be stealing as well. I'd bypass the electronics, that's for sure, but you can bet I'd take food and water and probably some dry clothes.

And finally, I haven't been able to get in touch with my friend from Baton Rouge. He's a pre-blog guy but most of my friends would know who I'm talking about. I hope he drops me an email soon letting me know he's okay.

About Last Night

2005-08-26T11:00:00.000-04:00

Just a few random/not so random thoughts, questions and such re: last night and this AM.

1. All you can drink is a deal and NOT a dare. When will I realize this and drink accordingly? At this point, probably never.

2. I suspect, though I don't know for sure, that dancing on the pool table at the bar is discouraged by the management. You know who you are.

3. Mess with my friends, mess with me. That's the deal.

4. Walking the 1.5 miles at 6:30 AM from friend's house barefoot, shirt covered in ketchup - what the hell? I didn't even eat -- is an experience I don't care to repeat. I swear those dog walkers and joggers were giving me dirty looks.

5. On a related note, walking home barefoot vs. walking home in shoes that gave you blisters the night before = tough choice. Now not only do I have blisters on the top of my feet, the bottoms hurt so bad that ALL shoes are painful to wear.

6. McDonalds. Was it invented for the sole purpose of morning-after breakfasts on the go? If there's anything better for making one feel nearly normal on a work day after a night of drinking, I'd like to know.

7. This cut on my right shoulder. Anyone know about it? How did I get it? Where?

8. Did we all have fun or what!?!

Hello Mrs. Robinson...

2005-08-17T10:28:00.000-04:00

It's a well-known fact among my friends that I tend to be attracted to younger guys. It started way back in high school when I was a junior dating a sophmore -- scandalous! The trend has continued into adulthood. It's not by design, it's pretty much a coincidence. I know there are factors that lead me to pretty much exclusively meet younger guys, and I could take action to change those factors but it would pretty much mean a lifestyle change.

Last week was a case in point. I went out on Wednesday with my (girl) friend and her guy friends to a casual wine tasting. It was fun -- I've met her friends, they all work together, and have hung out with them all on occasion.

We went to dinner at a bar after the wine and I ended up sitting across the table from one of the new friends. He's a tall, Jewish (oh yeah, I have a *thing* for the Jewish guys as well) cutey. I guess we were flirting at the table, but nothing major. After dinner, I went to join some of my (guy) friends who were there playing pool. Everyone else left -- except for the Tall Guy. He stayed and hung out with me -- playing foosball mostly. When it was time to leave he walked me the few blocks to my car (which was nice of him) so I drove him the few blocks back to his.

Before he got out, he said "May I kiss you?" or something like that. And I said he could. We kissed for a good 5 minutes or so. Very fun, very innocent/sweet. We didn't exchange numbers but he said I should come out with them more often (I go out with my girl friend all the time but not with the whole crew.)

In the interest of full disclosure, I told my friend about the rendevous. She said that he was young -- to which I replied I figured he was about 24, 25. No interest in dating him.

Well, a few days later, I get a TM from friend saying she found out how old he is. I'm thinking, "Oh maybe he's older than we thought." Oh no. Of course not.

He's 21.
21.
21.

I felt a little sick for a minute. I mean, the guy could BARELY even get in the bar! But then I thought, "Rock on, me! HE hit on ME! I must not look too bad for my age, eh?"

My new favorite commercial is the one where that woman says something like, "Look out 20-somethings" or something to that effect (she's a 40-something.) I'm not quite there yet - but Yeah, that's right!

And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know
(Wo wo wo)
God bless you, please Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey hey hey – hey hey hey)

Where the Hell Did My Garbage Go?

2005-07-28T14:27:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was garbage day, so before work I cleaned out my 'fridge to get all that spoiling food out of there. There were 3 eggs in a carton with an expiration date of November 2004. God forbid any of those crack open! Not to mention the unidentifiable furry, slimy masses in plastic containers, old vegetables and a solitary mango that I don't remember buying. I even had fish that I had moved from the fridge to the freezer a few days ago while waiting for garbage day to come around. (Yes, I freeze my garbage. It's not the first time, it probably won't be the last.)

I put the bag in front of my house for pick-up thinking they'd better come soon what with the heat index being 110 degrees and knowing all the putrid smells that would soon be eminating from the bag. As I turned to go back into my house I noticed that no one else had bags out. In fact, I noted that the few garbage cans that were out were empty. I missed the pick-up!

My first thought was that the big bag of garbage would in no way fit in my freezer, nor would I want it to. Then I thought I could take it to work and put it in a dumpster -- if I knew where there was one.

I didn't want to leave it outside knowing it would rot, smell and likely be a mess of flies and other vermin in no time. But that's exactly what I did.

I don't know if it was there when I got home last night -- I didn't notice. But I did notice that it wasn't there this morning.

I have no idea where it went. Did the neighbors take it to the dump? Not likely. Did feral cats in the 'hood get together and carry it off to one of the abandoned houses they've taken over? Possible, but not likely.

I have no idea.

But Really, I'm A Wimp

2005-07-27T16:57:00.000-04:00

Last week, I got hit in the face by a softball. It got me nearly dead-on in my left eye, but also hit the side of my nose. I had a cut on my nose, eyebrow and really good shiner (still lingering.) The hit knocked me over, blurred my vision for an hour or so and yet, I got up, and played a full game of softball (not well) 'cause my team was short on female players.

When I emailed my dad he replied, "You survive skydiving, bungy jumping and trapeze school, but a softball takes you out?" That's the military man in him talking. I'm sure what he meant to say was, "Oh my poor baby girl! Let me send you a check to make it feel better!"

Generally, I can tolerate pain. I'm always walking around with numerous bruises of unknown origin, scraped knees, minor cuts. I guess sometimes girls don't grow out of their tomboy ways.

That said, today, I passed out cold. What took me down this time? Having blood drawn for routine tests at the doctor's office. I hate the sight of my own blood (I'm like Superman in that way) and I hate needles. First I had a tetanus shot, just to warm up. The first attempt to draw blood from the crook of my right arm was futile. The second attempt to draw blood from the crook of my left arm was futile. The third attempt -- from the vein in the back of my right hand was apparently right on the money. I thought I was relaxed but the blood-taker said that I was giving up my blood very slowly. Finally, one vial was full and I breathed a sign of relief which turned to horror when she said I had 2 more vials to fill.

I started sweating and zoning out a bit. She asked if I felt okay I mumbled, "Uhhmmmuhh". She told me to put my head down which I did and that's the last thing I remember. Next thing I know, I'm pulling my face away from a horrible smelling ammonia capsule she was waving in front of me. And I was drenched in sweat and cold. And a little queasy. I asked what happened and she said I passed out, but she left me that way so she could finish getting my blood. I was only out for probably 1-3 minutes, but it could have been an hour for all I knew. It's very surreal.

I got some cranberry juice, which was really refreshing. And I had to lay down for a bit before driving back to the office.

But now I have happy hour to attend. Should be a one-drink buzz kinda night!!

This is weird

2005-06-28T09:40:00.000-04:00

Last night, one of our guy friends hit on me. And I didn't like it. Here's what happened:
He called and invited me to the baseball game. I didn't answer 'cause I was making dinner but got the message about 30 minutes later. I texted back and said "Sorry I missed the call. Thanks for thinking of me." He wrote back, "I'm out having beers, want to join me?" I said No, thanks that I was in for the night. (Rough weekend.) Then he wrote, "What about drinks in your neighborhood?" Now I had started thinking, "Why is he still asking?" So I said yes. 30 minutes later we went to a bar in my neighborhood. I told him about my weekend and generally caught up. Nothing seemed weird.

Then it was time to go and he wanted to watch the news. Okay. I hadn't planned to invite him in, but whatever. We sat and put the news on but he started talking. He said he wanted to kiss me. I said I didn't think that was a good idea. Then he said Why not? You let "T" kiss you this weekend. Referring to the buddy who I went to the beach with. I said, "That's not nice. You can't use that against me. It's different." I really didn't like that he did that. Very unappealing. Anyway, he pressed the subject which made it even more unappealling. He knows I'm a committment-phobe and he actually said that made me more attractive. ?? So now I'm thinking that he just thinks I'm easy. He's a guy who always has a girlfriend and currently he's between (just broke up 2 weeks ago) so I think he doesn't know what to do with himself. Anyway, the whole thing was giving me the hee-bee-jee-bees. I told him that I wasn't comfortable with the conversation and that it was time for him to leave. Turns out, he had taken a cab to my house (which now indicates to me he was drunk) so I insisted on driving him home (like 3 miles away.)

So...that was weird. I didn't like the entire thing.

Weekend Update

2005-06-28T09:31:00.000-04:00

Ah Dewey. Need I say more? Perhaps for those who have never been, I do. Dewey Beach, Delaware. Anyway, it's a lot of fun, a great way to spend the weekend with friends but I couldn't do it more than once or twice a season. Luckily, I usually have a friend who's bought into a house for the summer and I can go as a guest, which is what I did this weekend.
We got there Friday evening and were promptly told we had to "catch up" by the already drunk house residents. Shots and beers later we headed to the very crowded bar. That part wasn't even much fun because it was too crowded. And the friend I had gone with got VERY drunk and in no time could barely stand up. So I had to walk him home. As he told me the in the morning, he remembers being at the bar and the next thing he knows he was waking up in bed.
Spent the day at the beach and got a very splotchy sunburn on my chest and stomach. Those areas that rarely see the light of day so SPF 30 was no match for 2 hours of beach sun. Back to the house where our housemates had been drinking since 8:30 AM (no exageration). We joined them, went to Jam Session for about 2 hours and then back to the house for more drinks before heading back out. We never made it back out, though. But we did have a lot of fun at the house.
Sunday morning, joined housemates at the bar for breakfast. They were already drinking and had decided to leave Monday morning, but my buddy and I hit the beach for a bit, then headed back home. Got home at 5:30 and slept until 8:00 just in time to wake up to watch The Family Guy. That show is great.
So that was the weekend. I'm still tired from lack of sleep and food. In the entire weekend, we ate twice. Once on Saturday afternoon, and again on Sunday morning. Amazing how well beer and random shots can sustain a person.

Meet the Neighbors

2005-06-23T10:22:00.000-04:00

Cue the music: "Bad boys, bad boys, whatchya gonna do when they come for you..."

I had the pleasure of meeting my new neighbor yesterday. And about 4 hours later, I was calling the cops on him.

I live on a street that is a mix of owner-occupied houses and rentals. It's a quiet street, a mix of younger couples with children, single yuppie-types and older folks who have been there forever. It's safe, relatively quiet and friendly.

The house next to mine is a rental. Never really had a problem before but the nice married couple who lived there left for the suburbs on June 1. Soon after, people began coming and going at all hours. Hammering at 3:00 AM. Pick-up trucks idiling at 4:00 AM. I was getting worried, but then it seemed to stop. And I figured it was just a crew hired to get the house in shape.

Last night, when I arrived home from work, I saw 2 scary looking men hanging around my house and the house next door. I hesitated and fussed around in my car giving them time to go away. But they didn't and I had to get out of my car or die from increasing heat. So the man with no shirt but enough tatoos to qualify as a shirt introduced himself as my new neighbor. Wonderful. It's not the tatoos, it's that he was drunk. Or had a speech impediment, which would be better.

I went in, changed, left for the gym. Came home an hour later and saw 2 additional men leaving the house. This makes me nervous.

I went to dinner for a couple of hours and got home at 10:00. As I stepped out of my car I heard the yelling. "OPEN THE FUCK!NG DOOR OR I'LL BREAK IT DOWN!" "I SWEAR I WILL KICK THIS DOOR DOWN" And he did. My lovely neighbor kicked in his own door. The grandsons of my neighbor on the other side of this house were outside taking in the show. I went into my house while he was kicking in the door and I called 911. I told them that someone had just broken into the house next door and that it sounded like someone was being assaulted. Because of course his wife was screaming and for all I knew, he was hitting her. Then I went back outside to where the boys were and told them I had called. Then I went inside to talk to the woman who lives there -- she had the phone in her hand and was about ready to call the cops herself. She's a good neighbor.

Anyway, the cops come, talk to him for a while then come talk to us. When he walked in my neighbor said, "We're keeping you busy tonight!" I said, "You've been here already?" Turns out some boys from another block have been harrassing my neighbor -- even deficated on their property! The cop said, "We rounded up those boys and took them in. They won't be giving you any more trouble." Then he said about the neighbor, "You're going to have a problem with this one. He just got out of jail." Great. I said, "You're taking him in, right?" No, they weren't. Apparently, he was simply upset because he lost his keys (uh huh.) And that he was drunk isn't a crime. The cop said to call again if there's more trouble. My neighbor said, "I'll just call my son, Billy. He was a fireman." The cop responded, "Well, sometimes a little hometown justice is just what you need."

So that's that. On the plus side, maybe I'll meet a nice, good looking cop through all of this.

:)

Be Aggressive.

2005-06-15T09:31:00.000-04:00

I took my friend's advice last night and rather than just looking at guys, I actually talked to a couple. It was after our softball game and everyone was hanging out at the bar and having a good time, so it seemed like a good idea. Actually, it was pretty easy. I'm not sure the guy realized I was flirting with him, but I knew it. Or maybe he knew it and just wasn't that into me. Doesn't matter. We chatted off and on for a while and that was fine by me.

Another thing that seemed like a good idea at the time but maybe wasn't -- putting my phone number on my shirt. I know, that sounds bad, but let me explain. I'm the coach and I thought it would be fun for all of us to have nicknames on the backs of our team shirts. I did the iron-on letters and they came out pretty cool looking. However, I don't have a nickname. So rather than make one up, I put my phone number. My friends said it was funny and I agreed. It was much funnier in theory though because it never occurred to me that unknown guys would call me! And not in a good way. It was a little creepy. It was just one guy but he called me 3 times and I honestly thought it was a wrong number until the third time when he finally identified himself. Turns out, it was the friend of the guy I was flirting with above. I guess I really was that subtle -- neither of them knew I was flirting with the friend. Bummer.

So I guess I have more work to do in that department. In the meantime, I need to figure out how to get my number off my shirt.

Weekend Update

2005-06-13T13:08:00.000-04:00

It's Monday and I'm back at work after having taken 3 days off. I came back to 153 work emails (about half of them spam, luckily) and I don't even know how many voice mails because I'm afraid to check. I forgot to update my outgoing message to let people know that I was out of the office for 3 days, so I imagine I have some pissed off clients on the voice mail. It's *almost* not worth taking the vacation days. Plus I'm WAY more tired now that I was last week.

I went out on Friday night with a couple of guy friends. I was the DD so figured it would be a low-key night, but I was wrong. We ended up staying local so driving wasn't going to be a problem (I slept on one of their couches) but I did shots with them, and drank beers. Too many. I had a great time, but was very tired in the AM and had a ton of stuff to do. We got to a point in the evening where it became okay to tell each other our dating flaws. Not really my favorite subject. According to them, I'm not aggressive enough. Apparently, it's not enough to point to the cute guys and say, 'He's cute.' I need to talk to them. Interesting concept but I don't buy it. I think the guys should talk to me. I'm not going to pursue. I'm also not very likely to meet a guy in a bar -- not one I want to see again - so why bother going out of my way to talk to them? I'm happy just hanging with my friends (until it appears that I'm ruining their game and they make me walk away for a bit...)

I had a party on Saturday. For a normal person, this would involve maybe cleaning the house on Friday night and running some errands on Saturday. For me, it meant starting the prep on Tuesday night and working straight through until Saturday so that everything was "just right". We're talking furniture rearranging, house cleaning, food prep and presentation, lighting schematic, cleaning the patio, hanging outdoor lights, music selection and on and on. It was a rousing success, however, with the last guests leaving a little after 3:00 AM. Which in all honesty, is way too late for me. But I couldn't get them to leave. I finally ran out of beer, turned off the music and strongly considered putting my pajamas on, but figured that would be rude.

Yesterday I had to do some cleaning, but not enough. I was too tired and woke up this AM to a sink full of ants. Nice. Also, the air conditioning is flooding my basement so I set up an intricate system of trays and buckets to capture as much water as I can. But the primary bucket is too heavy for me to lift, so this AM I had to scoop water from that bin into another one and dump it. I could call the electric company - I have one of those contracts that's pre-paid for them to come and do the work - I just hate having work done on my house. I have no idea why. But now it's disgusting in my basement and too hot to sleep.

Also, I have no idea what to do with myself now that school is over. For the past 2 years, three nights a week I went straight from work to school to bed. Now, I'll likely get home around 6:00 PM and still have 3 more hours of daylight, then the rest of the evening. I have softball once a week so that's good, and this week I have plans for Wednesday and Thursday already. But next week is pretty much open. I'm passively looking for a part-time job but I'm not sure that's really what I want to do. *Sigh* Why do I get so restless?

In other news, on Thursday I learned that The Crush broke up with his girlfriend. Nice. But he still didn't come to my party. The Non-Ask did and that was fun. And he non-asked me out again with the "We should really hang out more together" line. To which I gave my standard, "Yes, we should," answer. He's leaving in July, so I really don't want to get too into him. If I did, he'd be the third guy in my recent past that I've fallen for who has left for another state or country. I'm not really keen on being in that position again.

And that's all my weekend news. It's Monday, I'm exhausted and overwhelmed at work. Fairly typicaly, I think.

Paroled

2005-06-03T10:10:00.000-04:00

I just got notice from my friend that her ex was paroled from jail where he spent the last 4 months for beating her up, threatening to kill us both on multiple occasions, having us followed, harrassing us via phone (in-state and out-of-state) and various other things.

This has been an on-going saga for nearly 3 years now. Actually, beating her up wasn't even what landed him in jail, if you can believe it. For that, he received a nice *vacation* to Utah where he told the judge he'd been in "rehab" but in actuality it's where he began his phone harrassment from the facility that was supposed to be rehabilitating him.

Over the past 3 years, we've gone to court no less than 5 times, have gone to the police no less than 10 filing reports, she has had a peace order against him and we've each had to spend the night outside of our own homes for our own safety. In addition, she had to sell her house and move to a new location so he can't find her (he broke into her home when he beat her up). She has changed her cell phone plan and number and doesn't even keep a home phone anymore. Bills at her house are not under her name, so that he can't find her that way. Security in my office building has a photo of him and I carry mace when I know he's around. He knows where I live, he had us followed when we were in my car. I will be getting a home security system ASAP. He has also threatened her parents and her sister who live in another state.

And now he's out. Any day now, I imagine he'll start contacting us again, threatening to kill us. Previously, he threats were empty because we knew for a fact that he was across the county in Utah. Now, he's here, in our city. Do you think the 4 months in jail mellowed him out? Doubtful. If anything, spending months in an inner-city jail strengthened his resolve to "get the bitches" that put him there.

I understand that there's no room in our jails for people like him. Yeah, I get it. However, in my opinion, my friend has become a statistic waiting to happen (I wouldn't tell her that, but it's my fear). Peace order? Right. Like that creates some impenetrable force field around her through which he can't break. It does nothing, everyone knows that.

So we're back to looking over our shoulders. Carrying mace. Not answering the phone. Getting home security systems. Asshole.

Misconnected.

2005-05-25T16:45:00.000-04:00

Do you ever read the "misconnected" section on Craig's List? People write things like, "You were leaving Starbucks downtown as I walking in. Me, cute, brown hair, jeans. You, cute, brown hair, jeans. Thought we made some major eye contact. Get in touch."

Or something similar.

So what if I posted something like:

"You - leaving the Legg Mason building downtown. Dark suit, pink tie (that's hot!), light brown hair. Me, cute, petite, brunette, racing to make the light -- wished I had slowed down to say "Hi". Great smile!"

Totally make it up. But I wouldn't mind meeting a guy who matches that description.

Whaddya think??

Another Office Bathroom Pet Peeve

2005-05-25T12:15:00.000-04:00

Brush your teeth at home. Really. People who brush their teeth in the office bathroom really bother me. I don't quite know what it is about it, but it does. I guess part of me feels this is something that should be done at home, in private. I don't want to walk in there and see a woman in a suit spitting gobs of frothing saliva into the sink where I have to wash my hands. It's unseemly, really.

My friend is a dental hygenist and she says that brushing twice a day is plenty. If you're concerned about bad breath, eat an Altoid. I keep them on my desk, feel free to take one every day if you want. But don't make me see your mouth covered in toothpaste foam again.

Ummm...?

2005-05-16T17:08:00.000-04:00

So I just posted that Fishing post and checked my email. The Non-Ask (who I never fish) asked me out specifically for this Thursday. How unlike him. Maybe there really is something to this not-pursuing the guys thing afterall.

I have no idea.

Fisherman

2005-05-16T16:45:00.000-04:00

I fish. Not for fish, not as a sport, but as a means of communicating with guys. I know I shouldn't do it, but it's so easy to do and such a hard habit to break.

This weekend, I invited C to join me at a Saturday afternoon party. He said he'd let me know. He didn't. I figured I'd hear from him on Sunday. I didn't. For those keeping track, this is the second Saturday event in a row that he turned me down. However, we have had dates or met out in order: Thursday, Friday, Sunday, Thursday. (I state this because I'm trying to see if there's a pattern which may lead me to know if he has a girlfriend or not.)

I should drop it, right? He didn't call back. He's just not that into me.

SHOULD drop it and DID drop it are mutually exclusive in my book though.

So as usual, I fished.

I sent him an email on Monday saying nothing really. Just a "hope you enjoyed your weekend, great weather we're having" kind of thing. The intent wasn't to find out if he had a good weekend, it was to get him to write back to me AND suggest getting together. Had he written back an equally lame email actually updating me on his weekend activities WITHOUT any mention of getting together, I could close the book. Well, I'd like to think I would.

But he did write back and he did mention getting together though nothing specific (I'll call you this week). So actually -- and I should keep this in mind though I never do -- I'm in no better shape than I was before I wrote to him. I still have to wait and see if he calls.

But now, even if he calls, it's no victory. I'll still be haunted by the thought that he only called because I emailed him and he felt compelled to say SOMETHING so he said he'd call. When will I learn to let the guys do the pursuing? (Maybe when one actually pursues me...) I am making progress though. I can't call him because I deleted his phone number. And it's a good thing because I would have called him yesterday afternoon. Then I'd really feel like an ass.

In the meantime, I'll keep casting my reel. Kind of gives new meaning to the phrase "Plenty of fish in the sea", huh?

*Sigh*

Work. A Necessary Evil

2005-05-16T16:36:00.000-04:00

I hate working. I really do. Well, it's not so much the working -- I'm not lazy -- it's my current job. And it's not even the entire job, just aspects of it. I feel justified in complaining about it because I'm actively engaged in changing careers. People who complain about their job situations who aren't actively trying to change their situations really piss me off. So here I go, I'm going to vent, so this will be a very boring entry for anyone reading.

I deal with clients. Specifically, I project manage the building of their stupid little departmental Web sites. None of us are changing the world, here, folks. So when a client cops an attitude with me -- or worse, calls me names or gets angry -- I take it very personally. And I get angry. And I get heart palpitations and I'll be darned if someone else is going to make me have a bad heart.

Case in point: the assistant director quit in February and left me hefty warnings about this particular client. This client is just now rearing her ugly head in the form of nasty emails. I have written back that without her expressly telling me what she needs, I cannot help her. I've cc'd my boss on several of these emails (I have nothing to hide.) My boss' advice? "Lance that boil."

So tomorrow it should all come to a head when we meet in person. Several times, I have sent this woman a status report and asked her to please review and let me know what more she needs. Rather than telling me, she calls me names or demeans the work of my office. Rather ineffectual if you ask me.

Basically, I'm going in there as Pollyanna and if she gets lippy or nasty with me, I'm leaving. I will dump this project and then eat the fees accrued to date. It's not worth the paltry $5,000 for aggravation of this kind and I would never let a staff person deal with it, so I'm not going to either.

I feel better already. After 10:00 AM tomorrow morning, I may not, but for now, I'm letting it go.

I've Been Warned

2005-05-10T13:30:00.000-04:00

A friend who knows C -- and lives across the street from him -- has let me know that she thinks he's a player. In fact, 2 Saturday mornings ago she saw him with a girl he's been dating for a few months. Interesting, no?

To make myself feel better, I went out at lunch and spent $60 on 2 cute tops and a belt. And then I asked The Non-Ask if he'd like to get together on Thursday. He does. (NOTE: He asked me last week if I'd like to get together this past weekend, but I was busy. He also apologized for not being in touch for a week, which I honestly hadn't noticed.)

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. I had 2 dates with the guy and wasn't even sure if I was in-like with him yet. But still...I hadn't expected that he was dating someone. Double standard I suppose since 2 weeks ago - probably the same weekend C was seen with the girl in the AM - I was leaving the The Non-Ask's house at 8:00 AM. Ah well...dating is fun, right?

It's a Small World Afterall

2005-05-09T09:15:00.000-04:00

So I have two very good dates with a new guy this week, C. Actually, I met him through one of my social sports teams -- so technically met him about 2 months ago, but he hardly ever comes to games and I guess we didn't really notice each other until last week (drunk at a bar on Saturday night). So we went out on Thursday; he met me out briefly on Friday; and we went out to dinner last night (Sunday.)

Here's the small world part. I know one of his best friends - J - through some of my friends. Two years ago on a ski trip, one of my friends and I were asking J if he had any single friends. He described his buddy, great guy blah, blah, blah but I wasn't interested in meeting him. Well, now I have -- C is the guy that my friend was describing 2 years ago.

On Friday night, C was out with J before meeting me and told him about me. That's when C told me that J had in fact attempted to get us to meet a while back. I searched my drunken brain for details and then it hit me why I hadn't wanted to meet C back then. I said, "C - you're divorced?"

See, the guy that J described was divorced and really, I'm not going out of my way to meet divorced guys. However, now I've already met him and have started to like him, so it doesn't really bother me now. I don't know the details, except he said he was only married for one year. I told him it was none of my business because I really didn't want to hear any details. If we start dating, I'd probably want more details, but for now, not my business.

So, that's the update. I'm sure I'll have another date with him though we didn't make specific plans. I'll keep you posted.

The Crush Update

2005-04-26T11:29:00.000-04:00

The Crush. I wish I had a decent update to give, but sadly I don't. Haven't seen him in about 2 weeks and the emails we were exchanging have stopped. PLUS -- this weekend I learned that his supposed girlfriend is not supposed -- she's real. Not only that -- I thought maybe they had just started seeing each other, based on the fact that she's never been around. No. They've been together for more than a year. Eegads. I can't go there. His friend who shared this information actually thought that he and I were going to end up getting together one night after the game -- even though she knows about the girlfriend. She doesn't know me though, and I would never knowingly mess with a guy who was actively dating someone else.

So, now I know. It doesn't make the crush just instantly go away but it does put a serious damper on it.

In the meantime, I got together with The Non-Ask on Saturday. He initiated the get together. No details need to be shared, but I can tell you that nothing will pan-out there. Not that I really thought anything would. Either he's shy or just not that into me. In any case, there's nothing I can do about that, and I don't really care all that much anyway.

So here I am back to zero. No crushes. No potential dates. Blah. How boring.

Snails and Bad Dates

2005-04-21T14:31:00.000-04:00

I ate snails for the first time last night. I was the only one in class to do so. I ate the first one under the expectant stares of my classmates. "Not bad. Not as good as mussels, but not bad," I proclaimed. However, it really wasn't all that good. So tell me, why did I have another one?

As I lay in bed last night, wide awake due to a really bad stomachache (coincidence? I'm not sure...) I started thinking, "What made me eat that second snail? The first one wasn't pleasant." Stay with me here...

I have this theory about dates. You should always go on a second date with a guy -- unless the first date was absolutely horrible (oh! I should write a book about the horrible dates I've had...remind me). I know I'm not really myself on most first dates so I figure even if the guy seems a little off, a second date might put him in a better light. I guess that was my theory with the snail. It wasn't TERRIBLE so why not give it a second shot.

A second shot indeed. At 2:00 AM I was trying to make myself puke just so I could finally get some sleep. It didn't work.

Bottom line? I'll let my snail eating experience be a lesson in dating -- a reminder to go on that second date. Sure, I didn't like it but the potential to have found a new favorite food was there. As for the dates? Hopefully, the worst that will happen is that I'll want to puke at 2:00 AM. And the best thing? Well, you never know.

Spring = Better Looking People?

2005-04-18T15:49:00.000-04:00

Are people better looking when springtime arrives? Maybe it's just a biological repsonse to coming out of winter hibernation but I'll be darned if every guy I saw this weekend wasn't attractive! Or it could have been the 40 gallons of beer I consumed between Friday night and Sunday morning. Hmmmm...let's ponder.

Friday night -- karioke with friends. Not too many good looking guys there, but a great time overall. My rendition of "Teenage Dirtbag" killed.

Saturday though -- whoohoo. Football games in the park, outdoor drinking at the bar. Guys I previously hadn't noticed were suddenly looking mighty fine. Maybe they had been working out over the winter? Maybe it's the fact that we're wearing less clothing as the weather warms up? I don't know, but my crush quotient definitely went up. Do I expect anything to pan out? No, of course not. But still, I'm already looking forward to next weekend when it ought to be even warmer!

The Non-Ask

2005-04-15T16:07:00.000-04:00

Direct quote from email: "We should do something again."

This from a guy I've gone out with twice and am moderately interested in. My interest level was high after the first date but lower before the second. I'll tell you why.

First date -- excellent. We went to dinner, then drinks, then to a movie. I thought it was well-planned, he obviously took time to coordinate where to eat, drink and see the movie. Which I was v impressed by. The fact that he paid was a bonus -- I was more than happy to pay for the movie but he insisted.

I should mention that his first ask was also a Non-Ask. He said to me, "We should do something sometime." I said, "We should." 2 months later, after several emails that led nowhere he asked me out for the dinner/movie date. I was very surprised, I had figured we'd get together for drinks. He upped it with that nicely planned night.

Second date -- and really, it wasn't actually a date but for lack of a better word -- wasn't so great. First of all, 2 weeks passed and nothing. I figured "He's just not that into me." That's okay. But I contacted him and asked him out for drinks for a Thursday night. He accepted. Thursday comes and I email him to confirm and he says, "Is this just us or are we inviting others?" Oh. That was his way, I suppose, of letting me know this wasn't a date.

So I went out for drinks with him, his roommate and the one friend (guy) I could get to come out at the last minute. It was fun, but nothing special. I didn't follow-up and neither did he.

Then I get the above sentence as part of an email with other information related to something else.

"We should do something again." What am I supposed to do with that? Why would he even say it? I saw him this past weekend at a social gathering and we didn't flirt or anything -- we were friendly of course - but that's it.

Oh well. My interest in him has been way surpassed by The Crush. Who I have a chance of seeing tonight 'cause a big group of us are going out later, after happy hour. I'm afraid that if he does show up he'll have this supposed girlfriend with him. If he does, then there's no denying that he's taken. I'm nervous.

But the Non-Ask guy could be there too. Overall, might be an interesting night.

NEWS FLASH: Crush is Back On!

2005-04-14T16:40:00.000-04:00

So -- I emailed The Crush. I was fishing, yes. Didn't think he'd write back -- it was just some lame comment about last night (when we were all out after our game.) Not only did he write back, but he alluded to going out again (not like he asked me out, just one of those "Next time" comments.) I'll take it.

Also, the friend who told me that he has a girlfriend said, "He didn't seem that into her the one time she came out." So...maybe it's not on. Maybe it's not a real dating situation. Who knows. But like I said in the earlier post, it's fun to have a crush. And no, I'm not 12. I just sound like it right now.

Hello, My Pet

2005-04-14T13:44:00.000-04:00

There is a little bug -- a fruitfly -- buzzing around me right now, in my office. I swatted him (her?) away and now he's hovering around the fluorescent lighting under my shelf. I'm kind of watching him out of the corner of my eye as I work and thinking, "I could kill it...or...I could have an office pet!"

So now I have an office pet. I'm not sure if the fruit fly is indicative of the state of my office. There are several dirty Gladware containers piling up that I need to bring home. Could he have spontaneously generated from the contents within one of those disposable and especially convenient means for carrying leftovers? Could he have flown in from the hallway? I don't know. But I do know I enjoy the company. No one ever stops by to visit me in my office. I'm at the end of the office suite in a division of two. Other divisions have 15-25 people. I have myself and a colleague. Outside my office are two empty cubes. Next to my office is an empty office. So you can imagine, this fruit fly is a welcome addition to our team.

And he'll be gone tomorrow.

It's Just. A Little Crush.

2005-04-14T09:09:00.000-04:00

Love. Exciting and new. Okay, it's not love. But it's exciting and new. It's a crush. Now, if you know me you will also know I can be a bit...fickle...when it comes to my interest in guys. I fall fast. This time, unfortunately, I have a crush on a guy who has a girlfriend. So I can't even pursue anything with him because of said girlfriend. Bummer. The good news is that due to my fickleness I will be "over him" inside of two weeks.

But what is it about a crush (a real one, not this one who's taken) that makes things seem a little bit rosier? It really was the case in college. If you had a crush there was always the chance you might run into him on campus, or in class, or somewhere in between. You were always "on" -- had to dress cute even for the 8:00AM lecture; always on the lookout to flash him a smile, hope he said, "Hey, 'sup?" OMG! He loves me!

Now, it's bit trickier. If you're lucky enough to have a crush it might be a while between sightings. Maybe you met him at a bar on a weekend. Now, you need to go to that bar on the same night at the same time the following week and hope he's there again. Or you play on the same team, in which case you have a very good shot at seeing him every week -- if only for an hour. And since you're playing a sport, you can't be actively flirting the entire time. Plus, your entire team is there to see it happen. But still, you get to see him.

A crush at the gym would be nice. A little eye candy to pass the time while on the elliptical can't hurt. I've never experienced the gym crush 'cause I'm pretty much on a mission when I go to the gym. Get in, get it done, get out.

Anyway. I have a crush -- last night was our last game so I have no reason to see him again. Which is fine, because in this case, the crush was crushed before it could really begin. Damn girlfriend.

See, over him. Inside of two weeks.

Ego Trip.

2005-04-11T13:14:00.000-04:00

I just had to walk several city blocks to get from a meeting to my office. I could take the shuttle, but it's nice out. It's not the best neighborhood though. I had to travel through the Latino neighborhood and through several construction areas. If you're a woman, you'll know what that implies. I braced myself for the catcalls, the "Sexy, sexy" lines that men will spew -- in the hopes of what? That I'll stop in my tracks and say, "WOW! What a man! Let's have sex right now!"

In any case, it didn't happen. I walked and walked and walked. Not one whistle! Not a peep. Not even a respectful "Good morning."

Finally -- near the end of my walk, I did get a "Hey, Beautiful Lady."

So, I stopped in my tracks and said, "WOW! What a man! Let's have sex right now!"

Just kidding. But it did make my walk feel more complete, somehow.

Details Have Been Changed to Protect the Innocent. Me.

2005-04-08T10:13:00.000-04:00

By popular demand, I'm posting the email exchanges from the guy mentioned in post "Seriously Dude?!?" in which I describe how one guy can take a drunken make-out session and turn it into a major life event. This all spans a total of 5 days -- Sunday-Thursday. That's it. Unreal.

Here it begins. With the first email -- which came on the same day as 2 phone calls.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: No...I'm not stalking.

Message:
i know it may seem like i'm stalking...2 phone calls and an email today, but really not intending to pester.

so i was laying in bed this morning replaying the events of last night. we both said a lot of things and i was trying to figure out what was "drunk talk" [EDITOR: ALL OF IT FROM ME] and what was "real." since i couldn't reconcile the two, i thought i'd just go and shoot from the hip. so here's the skinny from my point of view.

i don't wanna wait another 3 years for the next date! [EDITOR: YES, I HAD 2 DATES WITH HIM 3 YEARS AGO; THOUGHT THIS WAS AN "AS-FRIENDS" SITUATION] dates with you are simply too much fun. i honestly enjoyed myself last night...moreso than i thought i was going to. (remind me sometime to explain my "dating categories" theory. so far your doing well in 2 or 3 of them. very good start!) and i'm happy that your as good of a smoocher as i rememberd! [EDITOR: DELETED ICKY REFERENCE TO KISSING] as you said so elequantly last night (and i have to paraphrase) "i really want to learn more about you." [EDITOR: I DID? I WAS V DRUNK THEN]

so there it is... the world according to me. but don't get scared...i'm not looking for "insta-wife" or anything like that; just wanna make sure we're on the same page. let me know if we are, or if we're looking at things differently.

thanks again for hanging out last night.

MY REPLY:
MESSAGE:
I was out of commission for most of yesterday. Since you were so honest below, I'll return in kind. I was Very Drunk on Saturday night. You may know that already; you probably remember details that I don't. Do I feel like a jerk? Yes. For that, I apologize.

That said, I enjoyed your company and had a good time. I would enjoy seeing you again -- casually. As you said you're not looking for "insta-wife", I, by the same token, am not looking for a "boyfriend", so I guess we're on equal ground there.

If you'd be interested in hanging out/going out some more, I would like that. However, I should say that I'd be most comfortable if we re-started as friends first and see if anything develops from there. Sound okay?

HIS REPLY - ONE DAY LATER:
hey... you dead or dying or just avoiding me for some reason?

MY REPLY:
Did you not get my email response on Monday?

NOW HE CALLS ME AT WORK [!] AND SAYS TO RESEND THE EMAIL. I DO.
ONE DAY LATER
MESSAGE:
thanks for re-sending this email to me. it pretty much confirms what i already thought. i have a few points that differ; we'll see if they;re deal breakers for you. in the mean time, let me assure you that you and i are,for the most part, on the same page. for that...i'm excited! [EDITOR: HUH? I SAID I WANTED TO BE FRIENDS, GUYS HATE THAT] i really hope we can take some time tomorrow night after the game (and drinkning) and talk for a few mins... we'll clear some of the misconceptions that are hovering over us [EDITOR: I DON'T HAVE ANY MISCONCEPTIONS]. rest assured that we're really close to being on the same page if we're not already so!

thanks for the email and the honesty. i thought i had put my soul on the line for nothing until you told me i simply hadn't received your email.

speaking of honesty... i dig you! [EDITOR: STOP!] i think we'll have some fun! fun is GOOD! I LIKE FUN!!!!!!!! [EDITOR: WTF?]

talk tomorrow i hope? (nothing too serious...don't worry).

BEFORE I CAN REPLY, I GET ANOTHER EMAIL:
MESSAGE:
well... i just re-read the note i sent last night and WOO-HOOO... i was a bit loopy last night. i went to the baseball game and since our team was so awfull there wasn't much else to do but drink! SOOOOOOOooooooo.... my apologies for the drunken email! i'm in the office for a bit today. not sure what your avalibility is during the day, but i'm here fior a while if you can talk.

MY REPLY:
MESSAGE:
Actually, I have plans tonight after the game and will have to leave as soon as we're done playing. I'm sure we'll have a chance to catch up soon enough though.

HIS REPLY:
MESSAGE:
nuts! hows 'bouts a few mins before the game then? i know i sound like a neurotic goof (and to some extent...i am), but i just wanna put all of this on the table and get on with things.

MY REPLY:
MESSAGE:
I'm not sure what it is you want to talk about. I think we both put everything on the table already. I'm interested in friendship with you. That's all I can offer. [EDITOR: DOESN'T GET MUCH CLEARER THAN THAT, DOES IT?] If that's not what you are interested in, I understand. I wouldn't really be comfortable having a conversation in front of the team - or other passerbys -- about it. I'm sure you understand.

HIS UN-F'IN BELIEVABLE REPLY:
i just wanted you to know that you shouldn't beat yourself up over saturday. [EDITOR: I WASN'T...]

i have a tendency to see things in multiple perspectives. that in mind...

yep...you were drunk, but you admited it and apologized and unbeknownst to you, i'm a big fan of ownership of actions. the physical part of things, allbeit a bit sooner than i thought, is a good thing. at least i know that if/when we get to that point, that we're sexually compatible! [EDITOR: EWWW. AND WHAT PART OF "FRIEND" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?] much better to find out sooner than later; and it really wasn't anything too wild. [EDITOR: THAT'S RIGHT! ALL I DID WAS KISS YOU! MY MISTAKE.] nothing to loose respect over. and i guess thats the main point of this whole email... that i didn't loose any respect or view you any differently (at least not on the negetive) than i did before. as the rednecks say... "it's all goooooooood!"

so i hope we can go on another date sometime. [EDITOR: WHAT PART OF "FRIEND" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?] like i said...i'd hate to have to wait another 3 years!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I didn't reply. I'm not going to. Now I'm in avoid mode.

Seriously Dude!?!?

2005-04-06T10:26:00.000-04:00

Okay, I'm pretty much over the previous post. I mean, I'm not going to beat myself up over getting drunk and kissing a guy I'm not interested in. Especially when said guy does the following:

Calls me first thing Sunday morning to go to brunch. Nice thought. If I liked him I'd be all over that. But I wasn't up for it and said I was going to pass.

Four hours later, he calls again. I don't answer, afterall, I'm still not up for going out. He leaves a message that says nothing other than he hopes I'm enjoying my couch and found a movie to watch. I don't call back because nothing in his message indicates that I should.

Monday morning. I have an email from him from Sunday night -- let's do a recount, that 2 phone calls and one email in 12 hours. Even if I was interested, I'd be thinking that was weird. His subject states that he's not stalking me. The gist of the email is how much he likes me, has fun with me, wants to see me again.

Let me back-track and say that 2 weeks ago he was at a party with my friend and inviting her to brunch. We definitely got the impression that he was interested in her (she's not into him). I think maybe he's an "any port in a storm" kind of guy.

So - Monday I wrote back what I thought was a nicely worded email that I had fun, had drank too much and behaved in a way that I wouldn't have otherwise and that I'd be interested in being friends, and that's pretty much it.

It's Wednesday now and I hadn't heard back so I figured, that was painless. Easier than I thought it would be.

Except. This AM I had an email from him asking if I was ignoring him and why didn't I reply to his earlier email? I wrote that I had replied didn't he get it?

Instead of emailing me back, he called me. At work. Let me repeat, at work. My friends and I never call each other at work unless it's urgent. He left a message because I was away from desk and said that he hadn't received my email, could I resend it? So I did. Now I'm back to where I was on Monday wondering how he'll react to it.

I will let you know what happens. Why can't things ever be easy? That might be less interesting, but I'm not sure that would be a bad thing.

Dating Karma

2005-04-04T16:17:00.000-04:00

Maybe I'm a jerk. I don't know. But it just seems like the guys I want to date are never the ones who want to go out with me and vice versa. It's always the guy I'm not interested in who calls, who asks me out, who pursues. And then I do something that maybe isn't so nice, like go out with him and act like I'm having a great time only to blow him off the next day. So of course, in return for that, the next guy that I'm interested in blows me off so there's balance in the universe.

I guess what I'm going to have to do then is go out with a guy I'm not interested in? But wouldn't that mean that the next guy who goes out with me isn't interested, he's just trying to balance his own dating karma?

Maybe I shouldn't accept any dates with anyone. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this stuff. Because for the most part, I know immediately whether or not I'm going to want to see someone again. And it's usually not. It's not them, it's me. It's almost definitely me.

Diet Update

2005-04-01T09:29:00.000-05:00

Nearly 5 days into this South Beach + more restrictive diet I've been doing and I'm finally not hungry. Wednesday I had to go home early because I was so tired. I think because I didn't sleep on Tuesday night due to hunger. Now I have figured out that I can eat a good amount within the plan, and within the WW "points". I don't weigh myself until Tuesday, but I hope I've lost weight by then. I don't feel like I have, I just feel tired.

The real test will be this weekend, and not drinking. Tonight, I'm going to see a band with a couple of friends. Everyone will be drinking. Tomorrow is football and of course, that's all day drinking. And at night, I'll likely go out to some bars with friends. I know I won't drink, I just hope I have fun without it.

I've worked out twice a day on Monday and Tuesday, and once on Wednesday. Took Thursday off and will go to the gym after work today and do 30 mins of cardio and about 15-20 of strength and stretching (arms, legs, abs.)

Office Bathroom Pet Peeves

2005-03-31T10:07:00.000-05:00

Generally, I don't mind going to the bathroom at work. It's a necesseary function of life. But there are some things that bother me about it on occasion. And they all have to do with other people.

1. When there is already someone in a stall (we have 4) and that person is being very, very quiet. I know you're in there. Make some noise. I'm a fan of rattling the toilet paper holder when I first start tinkling. Helps create a noise buffer. It makes me very uncomfortable to know that someone else is sitting there holding it all in until I leave. Like there's going to be a major explosion the second I walk out the door. Makes me edgy.

2. When I *really* have to go and I'm lucky enough to get in there and there's no one else there -- until just the moment when I really need the privacy and someone comes in. That stresses me out. So I have to carefully time everything and flush while I'm going. You only get one chance with this technique, so you have to make it count.

3. Bodily noise makers. These are the worst offenders. I'm not talking about the occasionaly passing of gas as is to be expected in a bathroom stall. I'm talking about the grunters and groaners. This is disgusting and uncalled for. If you have to push that hard, you're not ready yet! Go back to your desk, have some fiber and wait it out.

Goals...

2005-03-29T10:00:00.000-05:00

Since no one will really be reading this, I'm going to post my weight loss goals for myself. Maybe putting it in writing will help.

Background: I started Culinary School almost 2 years ago -- it's a 2 year program and I finish in June. In that 2 year span, I have gained about 12-14 pounds. Now that I'm almost finished, and summer is on the way, I can concentrate on losing that excess weight.

I'm doing Weight Watchers Points, and for 2 weeks (starting yesterday, 3/28/2005) a stricter food plan:
No Alcohol (OMG!!)
No Bread
No Carbs (other than veggies)
No Dairy
No Extra Sugar
No Fruit

So Day 1 is in the bag.

I weighed in this AM and lost 2.5 pounds last week. Finally. Now I'm at 122.5.

I picked this week to start the above plan because I don't have classes this week. It's eating in my cooking classes that caused me to gain the weight. Grrrr.

I took my measurements last night. I'm not sure I'll be posting them online. I have no idea what they "should" be, but don't really want to see them in print (on screen.)

My first post in Blog World

2005-03-28T23:51:00.000-05:00

This is my first posting in the world of blogs. I will do something more interesting later, for now I'm learning the ropes.